A Forlorn Hope
by jixer
Summary: Sequel to Shattered Hope. Tara has returned but the price of Tara’s life may be more than she and the Scoobies can accept. An old enemy stalks Willow.
1. Chapters 1 to 4

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A Forlorn Hope

Title: A Forlorn Hope

Author: Jixer

E-mail: jixer@attbi.com

Feedback: Please. Bouquets and brickbats welcome

Distribution: Any free fanfiction site.

Spoilers: Up through the end of Season 6, after the story **_Shattered Hope_**.

Rating: Hard PG-13

Pairing: W/T 

Disclaimer: All characters of BtVS are owned by Mutant Enemy and Joss Whedon. All I own are tattered books, the love of a good woman, and a few pots of tomato plants.

Summary: Sequel to **_Shattered Hope_**. Tara has returned but the price of Tara's life may be more than she and the Scoobies can accept. An old enemy stalks Willow.

Buffy needs W/T to end what the Scoobies started.

Note: Numbered chapters are Tara's P.O.V. (with heavy self-reproach, earned or not) while titled chapters are narrative.

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A Forlorn Hope

Chapter One

The Magic Box doesn't feel right, doesn't look right and the smell is broken bottles of fragrant oils and burnt wood. 

It matches the way I feel. 

I look down at the glass shard again. I remember the white room.

"A life is owed, and the debt is yours," Michelle says sternly. "Now is not the time for payment. Know this, if you die before this debt is paid, one other of these will be held for the debt."

That means Buffy, Dawn or Anya. My friends, sisters of my heart.

It might mean Willow, the woman I love.

I push the shard away.

"It won't be easy," Giles says in his gentle tone, "but it is for the best."

I don't know how he moves so quietly in all this destruction. I look up at him and try to believe his words.

"You're alive, Tara," Giles starts.

"And where there's life there's hope." I finish, looking at Buffy. "Even if the Hellmouth is giving me this life?"

"If Anya's amulet is right I can't say that being an empath connected to a pool of evil is going to be a sunny stroll," Giles says with a sad shake of his head. "And I certainly don't envy an ethical witch trying to sort out using power from the Hellmouth, Tara, but you're alive. I approve of that and I think something else approves as well."

Giles gives me his hand and pulls me slowly to my feet. His words pull my spirits higher too. Buffy is near, watching me carefully. My fluttering new hope shakes under her hard, questioning gaze but Giles is an anchor for it. 

"Look at your shirt," Giles softly orders.

I glance down to see the hateful hole, but just the hole. There's no blood around the hole; there's no wound under it and my arm doesn't hurt where it was broken in the white place we were in. I look up and I realize my top feels clean. I'm not sticky with dried blood.

"I have to trust it's all for the best," Giles says with an edge of something past exhaustion in his voice. 

He walks gingerly through the mess to Anya. Buffy turns her attention back to Dawn and Dawn's neon orange jumpsuit from the Sunnydale Juvenile Center. I notice the wound to Dawn's arm from the Rwasundi demon is completely healed. The flare of tempers between the Summers sisters has not healed though as Dawn stalks over to me, shaking off Buffy's arm with a strength and skill that surprises the Slayer.

"Dawn, come here," Buffy orders with a hint of fear in her voice.

Dawn ignores her and steps up to me. I can feel her anger and frustration. For her it's been less than an hour since her sister trusted her with a dangerous adult task of great importance. Now she's back to being the protected one. Success has lost Dawn her status, which is not the way a sixteen-year-old sees life. But here she's not yet sixteen. Buffy comes up behind her and Dawn reacts to it like someone in "Jack".

"Dawn, listen to your sister," I say as firmly and as calmly as I can. "I'm connected to the Hellmouth now and that means danger. You know that. I know you're strong enough to get through this."

I look over her shoulder at Buffy and then back to meet Dawn's gaze. "Give us a minute, please." I ask her, trying to make it sound like an adult request.

Dawn looks at me without defiance. She's caught the tone and I feel her listen. She glares at Buffy and moves off to Giles. Buffy and I watch their gentle embrace in silence. I need the happiness in their reunion across time to even Buffy's hurt confusion and worry about Dawn. 

I'll just have to take her distrust and anger with me.

"Buffy, please understand Dawn isn't the same girl you were walking with an hour ago," I say trying to keep my voice steady. "She's been through some very rough months in the time it took you to get here. Don't come up behind her like that. It's a threat where she, um, was."

"I don't want to hear that!" Buffy snarls. "I want to know what you're going to do to make this all right."

"I can't," I admit sadly. "I can't take Dawn's time spent locked up away. I can't make her not remember knowing the Scoobies' deaths, or make her stop knowing she cost you everything you own to keep her out of an adult jail."

"You could if you wanted to," Buffy snaps on the verge of tears.

I don't want to feel Buffy's loss and fear for Dawn, but my empathy doesn't seem to have any control right now. I just fear the Hellmouth is giving the anger and resentment I'm starting to feel inside me more power, a dark lens for my most dangerous emotions.

"I can't give Dawn the happy childhood you wanted," I snap back at my friend. Then I stop and try to be calm. 

"No one can," I insist sadly. "No one ever could. Not even you."

"I don't want to hear this," Buffy says tightly. 

"Buffy-" Dawn starts. Dawn is carefully out of Buffy's danger zone. Xander is next to her, Willow just on the other side of Xander. Xander's hastily bandaged face is hurting him, but not as much as how it happened. Willow's not looking at us. My attention is diverted by the wave of confusion and shame coming from the woman I love. Buffy's Slayer reflexes catch me off guard as she spins on her sister.

"How did this happen?" Buffy demands as she grabs a handful of Dawn's neon orange jumpsuit, the one marked with Sunnydale Juvenile Center' and HRO'.

"Arabella," Dawn admits with a forced calm.

"Do I have to check out all your friends now too?" Buffy asks on the edge of shrill.

"All my friends are in this room!" Dawn snaps back with a snarl in her voice.

"Dawn! Anger!" I say forcefully.

"She's right, Buff," Xander says gently. "If she tells anyone what she sees they call her a fully loaded nutbar. If they believe her they could get dead from a Sunnydale horror of the day."

"Gwen," Dawn says sadly. Then the teenager shines through. "She's alive! The bastard doesn't have her yet."

"Language," I and everyone else in the Magic Box says at about the same time. It hurts me to hear how shaky Willow sounds.

Dawn shakes her head and hugs Xander hard. Buffy is barely mollified. Something finally screams in my memory loud enough to get my attention.

"Gwen's alive and so is Miss Grey," I say, fighting my own fear. 

"The ultra witch," Anya declares brightly. "What's an Arcadian?"

"Humans who are super magic and they can steal a whole world's magic," Dawn explains succinctly. "Miss Grey is here to get all the magic out of the Hellmouth. She also wants Slayers for assassins."

"She's after me?" Buffy asks with a snort.

"Actually, I think you were an afterthought," I explain gingerly. "Mostly she wants the Hellmouth and the Key to drain it."

"WHAT?" Buffy explodes.

I feel her hands on me a second before Xander and Dawn try to pull her off. They kind of succeed and when I take a breath I can still talk.

"Dawn's not the Key anymore," I explain hurriedly. "I can find Miss Grey."

"She's gonna need her throat, Buff," Xander points out as he keeps his grip.

"Buffy, please!" Dawn pleads.

Buffy lets me go and just glares at me. Xander and Dawn are afraid for me. So is Willow, but her fears are darker. I don't have time to reach out for her with Miss Grey on the loose. It hurts to turn away from her pain but I have to, and when I do I see Willow pull back into herself on the very edge of the group. Anya and Giles are concentrating on me so no one notices Willow pulling back but me.

"Well?" Buffy asks in a commanding tone.

"I need Anya and Willow and Dawn," I say quickly. 

"The spell we did to find Giles before we knew he was," Dawn starts excitedly, then finishes with a very weak "uh, kind of dead."

"We are having a long conversation after this," Giles says tiredly but firmly.

"How many of us did she kill?" Xander asks worriedly.

"You and Spike and Giles," Dawn states angrily. "She killed Clem cause he helped just once."

"But not me?" Willow says just above a whisper.

"Love, it-" I start.

"Don't say that!" Willow hisses. "Just don't." 

"Willow," Dawn says with calm sympathy. "You were hurting so much and the Hellmouth connection wouldn't let you heal."

"So I killed myself," Willow answers her own question so gently. Her pain brings tears I don't have time to shed to my eyes. I reach for her anyway. Willow pulls away, not meeting anyone's eyes.

"Will, take Dawn's hand," Buffy says carefully but firmly.

Willow reaches for Dawn's hand blindly. Dawn grabs it and gives a reassuring squeeze. Willow still looks down and away. Anya reaches for Dawn's hand confidently.

I close my eyes as I make myself open to Willow's broken connection, Anya's amulet and the tiny amount of power the Key left in Dawn. I feel a tenuous connection to something that feels like the woman who threatens my family. The thought of Miss Grey as threat makes the connection stronger. 

"Got you, bitch," I snarl softly as I open my eyes.

"Language," Dawn whispers.

"Now what?" Buffy asks sternly.

"I-" I stop suddenly for a heartbeat, feeling the morning's warmth on my skin. "I stand here like an _idiot_ because I can't travel-"

"-in time anymore." Dawn groans with me.

"You keep telling me things I don't want to hear and now you can't do the witch fu to stop a threat to us," Buffy says with steel in her voice. 

"I'm s-sorry, Buffy," I say defeated by my own stupidity. "I've messed it all up. I wasn't s-supposed to be alive for this."

"You're you, Tara," Buffy says ruefully. "Can you track her some other way?"

I can feel a spark of trust and recognition growing in Buffy as I stare at her and try to figure out what happened.

"But, um," I say eloquently. I think my brain hurts.

"I don't think an Evil Tara would apologize for living," Buffy points out. "And I'm pretty sure she'd be better organized."

"Maybe I'm tricky?" I try to warn, but it comes out a question.

"Right," Buffy smirks as I feel the trust growing. I'm happy about that, if not the smirk. I can be tricky, really.

"I'm sure you can," Buffy says gently. I'm alive and I've got to stop talking my thoughts.

"How about letting witchy fingers do the pointing?" Xander asks as he picks up a tattered Sunnydale phone directory.

I look at the general map in the phone book and touch the threatening feeling I had earlier. A spark snaps on the page. Xander closes the book hurriedly and drops it.

"I'm sorry!" I gasp as he leaps back. "She kind of makes me angry."

"Yeah, kinda guessed," Xander answers with false bravado. 

Xander bends over and picks up the now more tattered book and opens it to the map. A scorched star shows over a corner in the downtown area. 

"I'll go," I volunteer. "You'll need magical back up."

Buffy looks at my blouse where the bullet hole is and hears the shakiness in my voice. She shakes her head. 

"No," Buffy says gently. 

"Take Anya then," I say with a hint of pleading. 

"Grey's powerful," Anya pipes up. "Stronger than Willow. She was off the scale."

Willow's wince rips into me.

"They drain power from others and focus it for themselves," I explain trying to keep my voice steady.

"How did we beat her if she's so powerful?" Buffy asks with a frown.

"You both looped her power back on herself," I explain gently. 

"_That_ sounds painful," Anya says with distaste.

"I think all the energy from you two, the focus and Miss Grey unraveled time itself," I say flinching at the memory. "I don't think anything's left from that timeline."

"Including the other us?" Buffy asks quietly.

"Especially you," I answer with a grimace.

"Right," Buffy says nodding her head. "Giles, we need different clothes for Dawn and Willow and a new top for Tara."

"The Summers corollary of change," both Dawn and I say with small smiles.

"I _am_ getting new clothes out of this after all," Dawn points out.

"This is not going to involve melting charge cards," Giles observes dryly. "I've only got the one working currently. Bloody magnetic strips should have stood up to magic better than that."

"Oh, we don't have to worry about **_that_**," Anya says helpfully. She _bamphs_ away.

"We have to know what this Grey is doing before I leave," Buffy states firmly. "I don't want to be halfway there and get a surprise visitor here."

"Tactically sound," Giles says tightly. "Up to the point where you're going to a dimension in disarray, through the Hellmouth, guided by a tired witch who is almost entirely unsure of her powers. We need to research this, Buffy."

"I can't explain it, Giles," Buffy says urgently. "If I don't go as soon as I can, the path won't be there. I don't _want_ to go, I _have_ to go."

"You check on this Miss Grey while the rest of us get ready for this ill-advised journey to where precisely?" Giles asks with a tired archness.

"Where I should have been," Buffy answers with a hint of resignation.

Just then Anya swirls back into the Magic Box with clothes that would fit in at a church picnic. 

"I went for a wholesome image," Anya explains happily.

"Uh huh," Buffy says looking at the skirt and top she brought for Dawn. "Anya, this isn't one of Dawn's favorite-"

"It's mine and it's not neon orange," Dawn declares happily as she grabs the clothes. "Thanks, Anya."

Willow takes her most conservative clothes without a word, and almost shuffles after Dawn. Buffy and Anya exchange worried looks. I take my top and go after them, trying not to let Willow's emotions overpower me. I just want to hold her for a year or two, but right now Willow is still feeling the ripping pain of my pulling the Hellmouth link from her. She feels violated.

I try not to think about how much that feeling can hurt or how long it can take to heal. If it does.

I'm also trying not to let Giles' worries in because they echo in my core. I wish I could reassure him, but I can't. He's wrong about my being unsure. I'm not unsure about Buffy depending on me to get her to where she should have been.

I'm terrified.

****

Chapter Two

Misdirection

As the girls left for the back room to change Anya silently handed Xander a clean, whole shirt. He recognized it as one she knew he liked but she hated. 

"Thanks," he said sincerely.

"Here's some real bandages and first aid stuff," Anya said with some embarrassment, handing Xander a bag. "Giles got beat up kind of a lot. Willow bounced him around really hard. See if you can get him to go to a hospital."

Buffy looked at Giles with concern, but the older man seemed mostly tired. That worried Buffy, but she had seen him do more on the brink of collapse over the years than anyone could have guessed. The overwhelming feeling of time running out made her push her worries (surely groundless ones, this was Giles after all) to one side. She looked for Xander and winced inwardly at his bandaged face and the rough dressing on his chest as he tugged his shirt into place.

"We're going," Buffy said firmly. "Are you okay to keep an eye on them?"

"Never better," Xander lied with false cheer. "Just hurry back."

Buffy smiled at him and turned away, Anya following her as they walked out of the damaged store. They walked along in the morning sun toward the corner where the directory map had a scorched star. Anya seemed a trifle giddy still.

"What's our plan?" Anya asked brightly.

"This is just a recon first," Buffy explained carefully. "We only fight if this Grey lady starts something."

"Oh, I doubt she's a lady," Anya said in a pleasantly catty tone. "Though some noble women I've seen over the centuries would have been just as bad. They couldn't really make a magic focus out of a child's bones, whereas Miss Grey can and has done a good job evidently. That is, if I was right when I spoke to my amulet. The other me I mean."

"Aren't you just a little bit freaked that you're listening to another you?" Buffy asked uncomfortably. "I mean, we're gone there and everything we knew from now to then is gone." 

"Xander was gone there," Anya pointed out suddenly less perky, "and Willow and Giles and Tara and Spike. And Dawn was in jail, even if they gave it a politically correct name."

"Who cares about Spike being dead?" Buffy said suddenly defensive.

"Well it seemed a shame to the future me, what with his soul being restored and everything," Anya explained.

"His SOUL?" Buffy asked as she stopped in her tracks. The Slayer gaped at Anya for a heartbeat then hustled her into a doorway.

"Spike got his soul back?" Buffy asked urgently, her confused emotions obvious even to Anya. "When? How? Why?"

"I don't know," she said unnerved. "I just made a bunch of quick notes. I think I was nervous."

"You've got exact stock tips but just an Oh by the way, Spike's got a soul but he's dead'." Buffy fumed. "Is that it?"

"Financial planning is very soothing," Anya explained forcefully. "It says there's going to be a tomorrow, be ready for it. And it wasn't just Spike's got his soul back but he's dead'. There was Buffy's hurt and confused and sad' on it too. And help her' and Don't let Willow kill herself.' "

Buffy shut her eyes for just a moment and tried to concentrate. The Slayer took a deep breath and let Anya go. 

"Let's get moving," Buffy said raggedly. "We need to find this super witch before she finds us."

Anya looked after Buffy with frustrated concern. Buffy was falling back into hiding her hurts away behind duty and being the Slayer. Anya followed and caught up to Buffy when the petite woman stopped. The apartment building was attractive except for the broken windows and scorch marks much like the ones on the map in their hands.

"I think we found her," Anya said quietly.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

As soon as Buffy and Anya left the Magic Box Giles sat down on a chair.

"The owner survived but the store died," Giles said quietly. "I suppose that's an improvement in the Sunnydale magic store cycle."

Giles stood up slowly but was a bit off balance. It took him just a second too long to get his body steady. Xander walked up casually and shook his head.

"Why don't we cut through the whole I'm fine' and No you're not' dance," Xander said lightly. "You sit down and stop hurting, and I'll check on things."

"Sitting and aching do take less effort," Giles said tightly as he sat down.

"Are you sure you wouldn't like to ache somewhere else?" Xander asked with gentle sarcasm. "Hospitals have mostly stopped with the leeches and the bloodletting. They even have pills that make your aches go off on vacation."

"A hospital isn't going to help the magical damage, Xander," Giles chided. "That takes discipline and careful thought."

"Right now it looks like you've got the discipline and falling over parts covered," Xander said with some exasperation.

"No hospital, Xander," Giles said more gently.

"I-I don't think that's a good idea," Tara said softly, pulling at her blouse.

"Thank you, Tara, I just need some time," Giles said carefully. "You two had better check on the others."

Xander and Tara walked toward the back, honoring Giles' hidden request. Xander looked at Tara and saw her hunched shoulders and downcast look.

"Are you okay, you know, with being alive and all?" Xander said with more concern than he meant to show.

"It's wonderful," Tara started without enthusiasm, "but it's scary and I feel like I've messed up badly somehow."

"I know the feeling," Xander admitted.

"Not today," Tara said with genuine pride. "You saved Willow and the world." She looked pained for a moment and then glared at Xander. "What were you thinking about getting in the way of all that power?" Tara demanded. "You could have been killed!"

"Saving Willow and the world?" Xander said, confused. "Dawn said you saw us. Something about a protective spell? Is that what kept me from being deep fried Xander?"

"They weren't that strong, Xander," Tara said softly. "I'm not that good. It was you."

"Maybe," Xander said carefully. "And maybe it was us."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dawn was concerned about Willow. The woman was taking a long time getting dressed and seemed unsteady. The teenager's spirits lifted just a bit when Willow actually looked at her for a second.

"Dawnie," Willow started unsurely, then stopped.

"Willow, it's okay," Dawn replied gently. "I know it's hard to accept but I've had months to think about what happened. Then we found out about the loop of your magic tied to the Hellmouth. It kind of made sense. You didn't have much of a chance after Tara, ah, oh damn, I never thought I'd see you again."

Dawn reached for her and Willow let herself be embraced and even gave back a little bit. 

"Don't worry, we're here for you," Dawn said desperately. "Please don't shut us out."

"It's hard, Dawnie," Willow whispered. "I hurt everybody."

"It wasn't you," Dawn insisted. "It wasn't you."

Willow scrubbed her eyes and clumsily finished buttoning up her blouse. 

"I'll be out in a second," Willow said carefully as the teenager looked at her own clothes with a bemused expression. "You look like something out of a boarding school."

"I suppose you could call Jack' a finishing school at least," Dawn said as she tossed the jumpsuit into the garbage.

"Dawnie, did Tara ever say how much she saw of last night?" Willow asked as nonchalantly as she could as they came out of the ruin of the back room.

"Everything," Dawn said. "She followed all of us through until we came back."

Dawn didn't hear Willow's whisper of "Everything?" or the horror behind it. All of Dawn's attention was on Giles slumping forward in his chair.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Xander's quip died in his throat as Dawn came out of the room in her "wholesome" outfit and looked past him in shock. He and Tara whirled before Dawn called out Giles' name in fear. Dawn rushed just behind them to his side.

No one saw Willow looking at the man she'd smashed about casually just hours ago being held in his chair by a bandaged Xander. 

"Getting another kill?" a sardonic voice asked.

Willow turned and saw Warren leaning against the wall. She gaped at him.

"Hey, killer, looks like your almost dead girlfriend is going to try to help," Warren said brightly. "Isn't that how you started? Tied to the Hellmouth and helping the old Watcher and the Slayer? Now that you've contaminated her maybe you can give her some hints on how to skip the whole slow slide thing and just jump straight to evil and damned."

"Leave her alone!" snarled Willow as she sprang at him.

Warren vanished just before she reached him. She heard his laughter all around her as her hands touched nothing.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Buffy and Anya approached the main entrance that was propped open as firefighters moved in and out with their coats and helmets off. An empty police car was nearby. They walked up past a knot of onlookers to the main entrance 

"Can we go in and get our small but very loving and valued pet now?" Anya asked a firefighter coming out of the building. Buffy noticed both that the man was attractive and that Anya was preening a little.

"Are you on the third floor?" the young man asked. "That's still closed off, otherwise you can go up but you'll have to take the stairs."

"No third floor for us," Anya said perkily. "Strictly second floor."

"Go on in then, but be careful," the firefighter said watching the view as the two women went in.

"Flirt," Buffy said softly as they climbed the stairs.

"Civic minded," Anya said in a correcting tone. "Public safety morale is very important."

"A cute and studly fireman in turn out gear doesn't hurt," Buffy teased.

"Turn out gear?" Anya asked. "You sound like an expert in firefighters."

"I wanted to be one, once upon a time," Buffy admitted softly.

The door to the third floor was propped open but unguarded as the women arrived. They quietly walked down the hall to an apartment with an open door where a uniformed policeman looked inside.

"Excuse me, miss, you'll have to leave this floor," the young looking cop said politely turning toward them.

Buffy was trying to figure a way to look inside when Anya just brazenly walked up to the officer and looked in. A human formed of black ash lay on the floor.

"Is that her, the crazy black-haired woman?" Anya asked breathlessly. "I swear she had the biggest stun gun. And those weird black eyes."

"Did she have any other distinguishing marks?" the officer asked quickly.

"We didn't really know her," Buffy started as she looked questioningly at Anya.

"She had these weird blue black tattoos on her pale, pasty face," Anya said suddenly. "And she was always dressed in black and listening to that Goth metal noise."

"And she was strong," Buffy said quickly, not quite looking the policeman in the face.

"Like she was on drugs," Anya added disapprovingly.

"Drugs?" a new voice asked.

Buffy turned to see three men in suits coming down the hall. Two of them had Sunnydale Police badges on their belts. The other man had the look less of a policeman and more of a predator. Anya touched her amulet and whispered something Buffy didn't quite get. Then she turned to the detectives.

"I was just telling the officer this must be that black-haired crazy lady the news is talking about this morning," Anya said carefully. 

"Neighbors describe a woman, black hair, pale complexion with odd dark facial tattoos, and carrying an illegal electric weapon," the young cop reported. "She was described as being strong, possibly into PCP or some new kind of methamphetamine compound."

The detectives nodded and shooed the civilians off after getting Anya's false apartment number. The third man just looked intently into Buffy and Anya's faces. The Slayer was sure he had memorized them. Walking away from him made her feel tense and unprotected.

After they had left the building, Buffy let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding.

"Who was that guy?" Buffy asked nervously. 

"The one with the detectives?" Anya asked more calmly. "I don't know but he didn't seem to be influenced by the spell much."

"What spell did you use?" Buffy asked, concern showing in her voice.

"Just a this is your idea' spell," Anya explained brightly. "Public officials love their own ideas, and it fits the usual suspects for Sunnydale crime waves."

"So they don't go looking for Willow," Buffy said carefully. 

"She should be in the clear," Anya stated proudly. 

"An, could it be Tara that baked Miss Grey?" Buffy asked worriedly. "Those marks on the map and the marks on the windows looked a lot alike."

"She doesn't have that much power and the fire was out when we got there," Anya explained rationally. "This Miss Grey probably was looking for why the magic got crazy this morning and got too close to the Hellmouth. I'd say our Wiccans were in the clear."

That's when they heard the horns and saw Willow run into the street. Buffy moved like a Slayer and almost picked her friend off the hood of a car. Willow's hands clutched Buffy's arms as Buffy put her down on the sidewalk.

"That was amazing," Anya gasped.

"Yeah," Buffy said laying Willow down gently, "But how did I do it?"

"Keep him away from me," Willow whimpered.

"Keep who away, Will?" Buffy asked quickly looking around.

"Warren! He's behind you!" Willow screeched helplessly as she pointed over Buffy's shoulder. Buffy whirled around to stare at a blank wall.

"Keep him away from me," Willow cried. 

****

Chapter Three

Xander leaps to Giles and steadies him. I get there a heartbeat later and feel for his pulse in his wrist. An old CPR class comes to mind as I watch Giles take a ragged breath. There's a steady but weak pulse. 

"I'll be alright in just a moment," Giles pants. "I'm just a bit tired."

I use my power to look at his and I gasp. All Giles has left is his bare essence. 

"You didn't have any borrowed power left," I exclaim in wonder. "You used your very essence for Dawn."

"Is that bad?" Dawn asks urgently. 

"Dangerous," I say censoring myself. I want to say fatal.

"I had a touch of Anya's power for that," Giles says defensively.

"And when you tried to heal me?" I ask very softly.

Giles just gives me a weak smile.

"A pair of stupid, brave men who are going to get themselves killed one day," I snap brushing my eyes clear of sudden tears. "But not now, do you understand?"

"I'd listen to her, Giles," Xander adds as he gently keeps Giles upright. "Tara, can you do something?"

"I-I think so," I say uncertainly, "but I'll need a book."

Xander looks around him at the damage and then at the scattered empty books. I feel his doubt and worry build.

"Was it a magic book?" Xander asks carefully.

"Not exactly," I say quickly, trying to give him some hope. "It was about healing and old medicine. It just mentioned magic. I was looking for something when..."

"When Mom got sick," Dawn says gently. "I saw you and Willow doing the research."

"You're supposed to be studying while you're here, Dawn," Giles says chiding her weakly. Dawn smiles at his admonishment.

"Still strong enough to lecture," she observes happily. 

"Willow, do you remember what the book you and Tara...Will?" Xander says as he turns around.

I hear his concern in his voice. I feel for her and sense her in the alley. I catch confusing images of her and Warren. He's talking to her, saying something about only evil can love evil. I feel her fear and it triggers mine. Together it becomes something primeval trying to rip out my heart.

"She's, she's-the alley," I gibber. "Warren. Oh God, no, please." 

Xander leaps up and races to the back of the store, springing over the wreckage. Willow's in danger and I know I should follow him, but I just sit there, my cowardly fear anchoring me to the spot. I can feel pain and creeping coldness in my chest. I draw back from the feeling in a whimpering, useless ball of fright. From somewhere far away I hear Dawn calling my name.

"Tara, HELP!" Dawn barks and it finally gets through.

She's holding Giles steady in the chair. He's out cold. I touch him and feel his presence. He's weakening but alive. 

Suddenly, in the alley, I feel my protection spell on Xander surge slightly, then stop because the threat isn't magical. I catch a brief glimpse of Willow swinging a piece of wood at Warren, who turns to Xander, a Xander that's falling to the pavement. I hear something about good going killer' in my mind and then I'm looking into Dawn's frightened eyes.

"Xander's hurt in the alley," I say shaking my head. Things don't get a lot clearer. When I look back up, Dawn is gone. I hear her rushing to the alley. Giles groans softly. I think he called after Dawn. I need the book but I don't have time to look through the rubble. I touch the power I have through the Hellmouth and chant softly.

"Brigit, Imhotep, Asclepius, Gula; as healers I implore you, beg you for knowledge so that I may heal another," I whisper, hoping I don't offend with my tainted magic.

"Here it is," Dawn says with a touch of effort. 

I look up and see her supporting Xander and holding an old book. She looks guiltily at me as she helps a groggy, shaken Xander to a broken chair.

"I couldn't find Willow," Dawn says hesitantly. "Xander was hurt and I thought...I'm sorry."

I feel for Willow, then feel her panic. It frightens me but this time I go past it. I feel her closing on Buffy and Anya from their protection spells. For a moment I feel all their fear as a car comes out of nowhere.

"NO!" I shout helplessly.

Buffy is there just as suddenly and I feel a brief moment of panic followed by confusion from Buffy and Anya.

"Buffy," I explain tiredly. "She's safe."

"Tara, can you help Giles?" Dawn is asking urgently, trusting me to have an answer.

"Let me see the book," I say in a non-answer. 

"Here it is," I muse out loud, "Early healers knew empathic healing may be done but only if the empath has within their command a source of magic free of blemish. Whereas this could be done to gentle the flux of essences disrupted by ailments by other means untreatable, it may also be done to heal those wounded by magic. The risks..."

Dawn and I look helplessly at the burned pages.

"I can't do it," I say with more than a touch of fright for Giles. "I don't know how and I need untainted magic."

"We're in a magic shop," Dawn says angrily and then looks around, "or what used to be one."

"It's all drained away," I say with more despair in my voice than I want. I'm failing Giles, - teacher, friend, and father of my heart.

"My protective spell," Dawn says quickly. "You're alive, so it's still here, and you cast it before you died, so it's clean."

"But-" I start.

"Giles needs the magic more than I do," Dawn points out with a surprisingly adult calmness. "And you can do it, I know you can." The adult is gone and Dawn is looking at me with those trusting puppy eyes. 

I lever myself up to kneeling by Giles. I reach out my hand to Dawn and close my eyes. I need to see with the inner eye for this.

"Think of taking off a warm coat and putting it over Giles," I say keeping my own fear of failure out of my voice.

Something passes through me that feels warm and trusting. I push it gently along to the fading beauty that I feel at the core of Giles. I place it gently over that core. I can't describe the rush I feel as the magic takes root and Giles stirs. It's as good as the first time Willow and I kissed.

"Wow," I say intelligently. Words are too hard right now, what with the store tilting like it is.

I feel Dawn push me slightly and the Magic Box stops tilting. I don't know how large my smile is but Dawn seems to take comfort from it. 

"What was that?" Buffy asks from the door.

"Healing," Giles says steadily as I just ride the joy that I'm feeling. 

Then Anya helps Willow in and a soft rush of guilt-filled pain and self-loathing breaks my happiness like a soap bubble. I get up to go to her and I feel all my bones ache, but most of the pain settles into my ribs. My breathing comes in small panting efforts as I try to rush to her. Willow pulls away from me. The small gesture makes me stop and just hang my head. 

That's when I realize I can barely feel her. The bare touch I have with Willow is the strongest in the room. The next strongest connection is Buffy. I can barely sense her fear for us but the burgeoning drive to go where she's needed is clear. I think I also feel the bone deep knowledge that her chance to set things right is passing swiftly. The rest are just weak reminders of the emotions I felt less than an hour ago. 

Willow and Buffy need me but I've used up almost all my power. 

I've failed them again.

****

Chapter Four

Buffy and Giles are looking at Xander holding Willow. He's the only one of us she'll let near her now I'm trying not to look at her and failing miserably. Anya is looking through the ruins of her store for some salt and a candle. I suggested that mostly to give myself a little time. I'm trying to find some scrap of power that doesn't come from the Hellmouth. Every time I look inward I can sense the Hellmouth but little else.

"Grey is toast, badly burned toast, so that threat's gone," Buffy says with a shiver. Then she looks at the huddled forms of her friends. "I need Will, Giles," Buffy tells Giles softly. "We're almost out of time."

"I think we have a slim chance of getting her stable, Buffy," Giles says in that musing tone of his, "But it's very slim."

"I don't care if it's as skinny as a supermodel," Buffy tries to quip.

Giles picks up the burned book Dawn found in the wreckage. I don't need empathy to tell he's saddened by the damage and the loss of knowledge. Books are a large part of his life; they're his weapons against the darkness that threatens everyone. Books and a heart as strong as any warrior. He turns to me.

"Tara, what did you use to heal me?" Giles asks gently. 

"I took the protective spell I wove when I left for Dawn, took it's power and..." I struggle for words and breath. "You know, draped it over your center."

Buffy looks quickly in my direction. Dawn steps up and meets her gaze.

"It was my suggestion," Dawn states calmly.

"And a very intuitive one at that," Giles says as he looks carefully at Dawn. I think he's finally seeing how much she's grown. I smile a little. My young friend is earning her way back to adulthood. 

"Do I still have a Tara spell on me?" Xander asks quietly. Willow lifts her head and looks at him. 

"No," she says tiredly. "Keep it. He can't get you then."

"He?" Dawn whispers as Xander cradles Willow again and looks at us with a pleading gaze.

"Warren," Buffy says tightly.

"But, oh," Dawn says suddenly angry. "Somehow he's put a spell on her."

"No," Anya says tiredly. "She just thinks he's there."

"She hasn't had any hallucinations since we found her," Buffy says with a thinking tilt to her head. "Anya, take a magic look at Will."

"I have," Anya explains. "But the only thing I see is a light green energy tint over most of the damage."

"Most of the damage," Buffy says quickly. 

"Madness and black magic go hand in hand," Anya says with a scowl. Watching Xander hold Willow isn't any easier for her I realize. Another friend hurt. I look at Willow and start towards her. Buffy takes my arm gently.

"Wait," is all she says.

Buffy walks over to Willow and Xander. She kneels next to them and brushes an errant lock out of Willow's face. Willow cringes but Buffy just smiles gently. 

"Will, Xander is going to try to help you," Buffy says softly. "But he's going to need help."

"Not Tara," Willow insists desperately. "She loves me so she's evil too." 

"Xander can keep you safe," Buffy insists. 

"He'll kill Tara again," Willow wails softly. "Or I'll do it. I'm a killer."

"No," Buffy says firmly. "We'll stop it."

Willow looks up at her friend from whatever hell my love is living in and wavers. I breathe a quick fervent prayer to any listening power in the eternity that follows. Then Willow holds out her hand and lets Buffy pull her up.

"I'm sorry," Willow says looking down.

I walk over carefully, staying out of Willow's sight. Xander stands and looks at me. I mouth the words "hold her" and force myself to ignore the pain as I ask someone else to comfort my love. I show him with my arms how I need her held. Willow leans into the shelter of his arms. I beckon Dawn over. She stands next to me and I whisper to her to tell Xander what I told her earlier. 

"Xander," Dawn says carefully, "Imagine taking a warm coat off and putting it around Willow's shoulders."

As Dawn speaks I touch Xander's hand and Willow's back at the same time. Again I feel the warmth and trust, but this time instead of a fading warmth at the core I find a maelstrom of emotion and images around a small uncovered part of Willow. The feelings and images are somehow familiar. I don't dwell on it because I can feel Willow give a start in Xander's hold. I force the warmth over the raw hurt and feel Willow sag under my hand. The tempest stops. Then I fly backwards hard. 

"Stupid half-dead, half-human CULL!" shrieks a shrill voice. 

I look up and blink at the enraged woman in front of me. Miss Grey wasn't as dead as we thought. Xander has pulled Willow's limp form away, putting himself between the mage and her. 

"Out of my way, animal," Miss Grey snarls and gestures at Xander. Nothing happens. 

"Don't touch her," Giles commands. "She can't touch us."

"What do you know of magic, savage?" Miss Grey snaps.

"Patterns for one thing," Giles says in a firm yet lecturing tone. "Dawn and Tara could only come back to a place with their own bodies, Tara's animated by the Hellmouth. I'd hazard you couldn't get the Miss Grey, I believe, from our time to accept the future Miss Grey. You're just not that trusting."

Miss Grey gestures at him but nothing happens. 

"Without a body to bind to the earth I think you'll be mostly helpless," Giles said coldly.

"If I can't have a robust animal to ride," Miss Grey sneers, "I'll take the half- woman."

Buffy takes me down so fast I don't even squeak until we're on the floor. The dark beam of power misses and hits a broken display case. Then the store shakes a little.

"I have the full range of power lost from the nexus point, beast," Miss Grey boasts. "Not the narrow band of weakness that you've tied to the cull."

A piece of wood slams into Xander's back as he protects Willow. Dawn rushes to his side holding a large piece of wreckage like a shield.

"Leave them alone!" I snap and touch the power I feel welling up in my core as my anger slams home.

I send the power at her in the form of a bolt of white light. She bats it away and looks at me with a feral smile.

"Get out of my store," Anya says angrily. 

A bolt of ruby power slams into the Arcadian from Anya with Giles holding her hand and concentrating. Miss Grey gestures an instant before the bolt smashes her into nothingness.

An instant later both of my friends sag with their efforts. Suddenly Miss Grey reappears, but she's covered with black muck that seems to be pulling on her. She's struggling when I stand up and place myself between Anya and Giles, facing them. I hold up my hands.

"Don't hurt her, please!" I beg dramatically. "I love her!"

Miss Grey screams in rage as the onyx tendrils redouble their efforts. They grab the Arcadian and tear her into nothingness. The Magic Box is silent for a moment. Buffy stands up, looking at me quizzically.

"The Hellmouth doesn't like me," I explain with a small shrug.

"You _can_ be tricky," Buffy observes with a wicked smile.

"_My_ store?" Giles asks Anya pointedly. 

"Helping, not boosting after being _healed_?" Anya replies waspishly.

"You love her?" Willow asks in a small voice. So much for clever plans. I hurry to her side. Willow meets my eyes and doesn't flinch away. I take the hand she holds out so tentatively.

"No," Xander says with gentle firmness, "She loves you."

I almost miss the pain in his voice and the way Willow relaxes. She trusts him instantly. Xander is looking at me intently. 

"Did you get hit by something?" he asks.

"I don't think so," I say confused. Then I realize my cheek is burning faintly and the feeling is echoed on my chest. Xander almost touches the dressing on his face but stops.

"What did she mean by narrow band?" Dawn asks. "What's a cull?"

"A cull is something that doesn't measure up that you get rid of," I answer as I try to move without hurting.

"Narrow band," Willow says with a tiny bit more energy than she's shown before. I feel relief out of all proportion.

"It might make sense," Willow goes on tiredly. She's looking at me with hope for the first time.

"What does?" Anya asks quickly. 

"We only see visible light, not ultraviolet or X-rays," Willow explains. "If the Hellmouth had any good magic we don't see it, but it might exist."

"Might," Buffy says carefully. 

I feel myself deflate. I caught the conditional phrase too. Hellmouth and the side of Light just don't add up.

"I can't see that tight -" Buffy starts and then looks at Dawn. "-ly wound Michelle tying Tara to evil."

"No," Anya agrees brightly. "She was on the side of Light in a really prissy way."

Buffy considers this for a moment and then turns to Giles.

"Any prophesies about any of this?" Buffy asks quickly.

"You mean the one about the time traveling witch and the cosmic power source and Slayers traveling through a nexus of evil to where they think they should have been?" Giles says carefully.

"None, huh?" Buffy states with a shrug of her shoulders. She looks at me and makes her decision.

"Time's running out," Buffy says with urgency. "What do we do?"

I look at Buffy and try to frame the answer that we do nothing because your guide is drained and useless in the gentlest way. I look at her and even without empathy I know Buffy _has_ to do this on a level that's as powerful as her Slayer's need to protect others from the horrors in the night. I can't fail her, not after everything she's done for all of us. I touch the power I've been avoiding and pray Willow is right.

She is and I know it as soon as I feel the weak but steady tendrils of energy. For some reason I feel sad taking them, but it's more wistful than overpowering. It takes just a second. Now I can do what I _have_ to do for my friend and protector. 

"I don't know," I admit as I stand stiffly. "Michelle said I'm your guide and your family is your anchor. I think we need to stick to the very basics."

"I agree," Giles says nodding. "Willow and Xander supporting Buffy for three."

"Three?" Buffy says slightly confused. "The four of them brought me back."

"Three is enough," I explain, "four is complete and seven is power. It goes back a long ways, back to when you had to say things carefully."

"What's zero?" Buffy asks quickly.

"Nullification, a new start, perfect balance," Giles says warming to his subject. "All of that and hundreds of others. Zero can be quite frightening actually. Why?" 

Buffy shrugs and Giles lets it go, but there's something under that question.

"I don't know how supporting I can be," Willow says weakly.

"I've got to guide so Dawn will anchor you, Anya will anchor Xander for four," I reassure her.

"Dawn?" Buffy asks with bald concern. I just nod.

"That's the complete anchor, as in sinking to the bottom?" Xander asks trying to hold back his nervousness.

"I would say steadfast and unmoving," Anya replies.

"What about Giles?" Willow asks. "Strength or Wisdom?"

"Wisdom," Dawn says softly. "Strength and base for the guide."

Giles and the rest of us just stare at her for a second.

"It seemed right," Dawn says slightly wilting.

"I think it is," Giles says with a thoughtful frown. "We're definitely having that long discussion after this."

"And Buffy makes three of that triangle on the four and seven total," Anya says brightly. "That balances, just like my books."

Giles just rolls his eyes. The rest of us start to clear a rough circle. Then we lay the simple circle on the floor. The Scoobies sit at the cardinal points with Buffy in the middle. Anya hands Dawn the single white candle in an old fashioned holder. 

"You're family and blood," Anya says in a matter of fact tone.

Giles is scribing a smaller circle inside the first. It touches the first circle near Dawn's cardinal point. He sits down carefully in the circle. He proves his wisdom by being the only one who finds a pad to sit on.

I sit in front of him and motion for Buffy to stand in the center of the larger circle. 

"Again the question, what do we do?" Buffy asks impatiently. 

"Are you ready to go?" I ask.

"Pretty much," Buffy says brightly as she shows me her axe, a flask of holy water and two stakes.

"Okay," I reply, oddly comforted by the knowledge Buffy has her axe. "Now think of where you should be and think of stepping that way."

I think of the wail I've heard in the night when I was dead. I hear it almost immediately but it's fading. Buffy looks the direction I hear the mournful cry coming from. I reach up, touch her hand and watch the Magic Box vanish. 


	2. Chapters 5 to 7

****

Chapter Five

By The Past

Buffy stepped out onto the surface of the dark tunnel like a cat. Beside her Tara tried not to fall over and pull the Slayer off balance as the witch held onto her friend's hand with a desperate grip.

Where are we?" Buffy asked as she looked around the gloom.

"An old part of the Hellmouth," Tara answered unsteadily. "It's as close as we can get through...through that. How did I know that?"

"You're a witch," Buffy pointed out. "You know stuff."

Buffy looked at Tara carefully. The witch looked unsteady and queasy. 

"Are you really here?" Buffy asked gently.

"It feels like I'm here, and I'm back there," Tara replied as she turned to Buffy with panicked look. "You can see me, right?"

"Yeah, and you don't look like this agrees with you," Buffy said in a kind tone. "Didn't you jump around all the time in the other time thing?"

"It wasn't that twisty when I was dead," Tara looked distinctly green for a second but rallied with a tiny but grim smile. "I think it might have been an improvement."

Buffy just smiled and looked around the gloomy passageway.

"So we're close to where I should be, but not there," Buffy said clinically. "Where's this light coming from?" 

Both women looked up and saw tiny rounded lights in the ceiling in an irregular pattern over a pile of piled debris. Tara looked at the untidy pile. 

"That's not supposed to be here," Tara said in a quiet voice. 

Buffy moved the debris away and blanket appeared. The Slayer touched the material and felt it. The blanket was old and fragile but Buffy felt a hint of rich texture as material moved under her hand. Under the blanket was a gray sphere. It rested on another blanket that hinted of sparkling thread under the weak illumination. Buffy glanced around the sphere carefully. All of the senses that made her a Slayer seemed at their peak in this place. 

"This was placed here, somebody wiped their tracks, there was a fight or a really bad dance and they went that way," Buffy said looking down at the ground. 

"Buffy, look at the lights," Tara said carefully. 

Buffy looked up and saw the lights now glowing brighter as Tara stood near them. She walked closer and noticed the lights grow brighter still as she neared them. Some were brighter but still relatively dim, but two were very bright. They reminded her of eyes somehow.

"I think it's a constellation," Tara said frowning.

"Which one?" Buffy asked quickly.

"I don't know the real ones," Tara answered with an apologetic shrug, "Willow knew...knows the real ones."

"Is this a warning or what?" Buffy asked impatiently. "Time's running out."

"It's...lonely," Tara said gently. Buffy just looked at her, then the sphere.

"We can't wait," Buffy said decisively. "Where do we go from here?"

Tara just looked past Buffy and pointed. Buffy turned and saw a door set into the side of the tunnel. A faint glow surrounded it. 

"That way?" Tara said with a touch of fear in her voice.

Buffy shifted the grip on her axe and strode up to the door. Tara slipped behind her as the Slayer threw open the door and leapt through. Tara followed her an instant later.

The room was bright. Michelle stood there impassively in front of another door with a leather bound book in her hands. Buffy glared at her.

"Only one can pass through, Miss Summers," she said firmly. 

"Stay here," Buffy ordered Tara as the Slayer returned her attention to Michelle. 

"There is no other way," Michelle said more gently. "I don't have the power."

"Tara is my guide," Buffy started angrily.

"And she will guide you, when you ask for help," explained Michelle carefully. "Until then she waits on the other side of the door."

"Alone in the Hellmouth," Buffy hissed.

"Alone," Tara said softly with fright. 

"Only until you change what you as Hope would have changed," Michelle said in a hard tone. "Go farther and you, Miss Summers, will go on alone."

"Go back, Tara," Buffy said softly. "Wait for me in the Magic Box."

"N-no," Tara whispered. 

Buffy turned to the obviously frightened woman. Tara met her eyes.

"If we argue and waste time, the door may close," Tara pleaded. "You need to go. Just remember to ask for help."

Buffy frowned at Tara for an instant. Then the Slayer strode past Michelle toward the door and stepped through it. 

The crunch of her boots on the scarred remnant of a street and the cool night air were just echoes as Buffy's arcane Slayer senses slammed into her in a blinding rush. For an instant, she could see the cold moving forms of half a dozen vampires moving through the broken buildings toward an oasis of life. Adrenaline flowed into her blood in a torrent as she ran toward the undead hunters. 

As she closed in on them she could feel her heightened senses settle into what had been the strongest level she had ever briefly experienced, although this time the senses stayed at their peak. She felt one of them change to a human form and heard him knock on a stout door. Buffy turned a corner as a small hatch opened and the vampire pleaded to be let in. Buffy was almost at the door when it opened and the vampire pushed into the refuge.

The five vampires on the outside clutched at the man at the door tossed to them by their companion. Buffy arrived just as the largest vampire shoved away his smaller companions and made ready to feed.

The vampire's expression looked shocked for a half second before his face fell away and became dust. Then Buffy plunged forward into rude shelter with her axe in one hand as behind her the man she rescued scrambled in and shut the door. The vampire tossed the two men it was struggling to throw out to one side and faced her. The demonic shell of a man smiled as it caught her axe in mid-blow with his hand. The vampire managed to look surprised for half a heartbeat as Buffy pulled the stake out of its chest. 

The silence of the chamber was loud as Buffy glared at the angry eyes of vampires lurking at the doorway through the viewport. The man at the door fumbled to close it. A motion caught her eye at the edge of the chamber. A hard faced woman pushed a pair of thin children behind her as she looked at Buffy. It seemed she almost recognized the Slayer.

"Who are you?" the woman asked as others drew around her.

"I'm Hope," Buffy started. For a long second Buffy struggled against the urge to tell the mother she might have had everything. Finally Buffy looked into the woman's eyes and shrugged.

"Hope Summers, but everybody calls me Buffy," the Slayer said with the bright edge from the fight slowly leaving her system. "Sorry to barge in, but your guests could've really wrecked a party."

-------------------------------------------------------------

In the gloom of the Hellmouth tunnel, Tara paced and tried not to listen to the almost voices that hovered on the edge of her consciousness. Suddenly, a fleeting image came to her mind. A bevy of young women, each of them beautiful, looked at her with lustful eagerness. A memory of writhing bodies tainted with shame and fear slapped the image away. Another vision slipped quickly past her inner sight.

"She's not like that," hissed Tara into the darkness. "She doesn't like..."

Tara stood up and shook her head. The mental whisperings were less noticeable near the sphere. Unwittingly, Tara touched the gray sphere. Now the feeling of loneliness was almost palpable. 

"It'll be all right," the witch said gently. The feeling persisted.

Tara placed a hand on the surface of the sphere and felt its soft warmth. The young woman remembered another lonely feeling and then saw Dawn sleeping through the night after Tara sang to her. For a moment Tara tried to decide what would comfort a basketball-sized sphere, then gave up and just hummed a lullaby barely remembered from her childhood. The sphere felt less lonely and Tara closed her eyes to concentrate on envisioning the songs of her childhood. The witch didn't realize the ugly whispering almost-voices had disappeared from her mind.

-------------------------------------------------------------

In the ruined Magic Box Giles and the rest heard Tara's soft humming seconds after Buffy had disappeared. Giles looked at her quizzically. Tara was still otherwise, the very image of a well-done trance. The Watcher had never heard anyone hum softly in a trance before.

"Is she supposed to do that?" Dawn asked trying not to show her concern.

"It's rare, but not unknown," Giles replied in a gently lecturing tone, then he finished very softly "now."

Suddenly the humming stopped and Tara tilted her head as if she had heard something.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Buffy tried to follow all the questions that were coming at her from the group of lean people that crowded in around her. Finally the hawk-faced woman snapped out a command for silence and the barrage of words stopped.

"Give our guest a moment," ordered the woman. "She's just stopped two of the life drinkers and you lot haven't even offered her a drink."

A threadbare man that reminded Buffy of Wesley dug into his tattered coat and offered her a silver flask. The woman glared at him.

"Of water, Dalren," the woman chided.

"Sorry Erin," the man said absently. 

The little boy that had watched her fight from behind his mother quietly handed Buffy a cup with clear water. The Slayer suddenly realized how thirsty she was as she drained the cup. She handed back the cup to the child with her thanks. The boy treated it as if she had given him a holy vessel. Hero worship lurked in the back of his gaze and Buffy found the thought unnerving. She could remember her friends and others doing things that bordered on suicide because they thought they had to measure up to the Slayer.

"What's your name?" Buffy asked the boy gently.

"Clive," the boy answered with awe in his voice.

"Clive, I want you to remember something," she said in confiding tone.

"What?" he asked eagerly.

"I got lucky tonight," Buffy said frankly. "I rushed in and these vampires, what you call life drinkers, were looking the other way. One slip, one quick glance over their shoulders and I would have faced five of them alone where they have the advantages. Thinking and planning are harder than dumb luck but you live longer that way. Don't do it my way, Clive. You'll live longer."

The boy looked at her with conflicting emotions. Pride welled up in him because she spoke to him in a room full of adults, but disappointment was there because her words echoed the tones of what everyone else said. Buffy saw the relief on Erin's face.

"At least they're gone," one man said relieved.

"They'll be back," another voice said. A woman's voice, old before her time. A woman barely five years older than Buffy looked out of the corner. Then Buffy realized this woman, Erin and an old woman leaning on a cane were the only females in the refuge. Why was that? 

Then Buffy realized all her knowledge of this place came from one brief encounter in a white place and the few minutes she had spent here. Research was a given, Giles and Willow would find the answers, Xander and Anya would throw those odd thoughts that sparked or fizzled. Then she would know what to do. Now what did she do in this strange place? Panic and a feeling of loneliness folded over her briefly until she remembered Tara. 

Tara stood at the door to this world, strengthened by Giles and anchored by the rest of the Scoobies. Buffy remembered Michelle's words about her friends and family anchoring her. Buffy finally heard the words in her heart and knew she would never be alone as long as one of them was alive. 

"Tara, help," Buffy whispered. "I need answers."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Tara looked at the gray sphere with a touch of regret. She took her hand away and covered the sphere with a blanket again. Duty, love and worry weighed in her mind.

"I have to go," the witch explained sadly. 

Something sad and thankful swept over her lightly for an instant. Then Tara disappeared from the tunnel. The lighted doorway faded to nothing and the lights dimmed in the constellation until just the two lights Buffy had thought of as eyes glowed dimly in the darkness. 

No one was there to see the sphere was a lighter gray now.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tara was there in front of Buffy as the last word faded. The witch looked a bit calmer. Buffy smiled at Tara with a tight smile.

"You can see me," Tara breathed with relief. "Buffy, I think you're the only one who can."

"Who's the lady?" a hesitant voice asked.

Buffy turned quickly to see the little girl point at Tara. The Slayer looked at the witch quickly.

"Don't point," Buffy said softly. "It's rude."

"Peggy, go help Clive get the beds ready," Erin said gently. "I'm sorry, Hope. Peggy has a very active imagination."

"Call me Buffy," the Slayer said lightly, "I never really got used to Hope." 

"Excuse me, can you see me, Ma'am?" Tara said to the woman as she stepped in front of Buffy.

"Buffy it is then," Erin said with a smile. "We don't have much in the way of comforts here, but we can get you something."

"Guess not," Tara said shrugging. She turned and saw the young girl. Tara gave a little wave and a smile. The girl smiled back then returned to lugging blankets to a futon-like pallet.

"I don't want to put anyone out," Buffy said uncertainly. "Just prop me up in a corner somewhere."

"Erin! I've got a signal!" a young man in glasses wearing headphones said excitedly from a platform above them. The man turned back to the cobbled together pile of electronics and wires. Buffy saw a muscular scarred man riding a stationary bicycle connected to an odd box to the side of the platform. Erin climbed the steep stairs as the young man flipped a switch. Music filled the space of the redoubt. People playing chess in the corner paused. Everyone in the makeshift fortress stopped and listened with smiles.

"Classical, romantic style, but I can't place the composer, " Tara said quietly. 

"Pretty," Buffy said softly.

The music stopped and a female voice came on. 

"That was Wellen's Suite 4," the announcer said. "This is Radio Valesburg. For anyone hearing us tonight, the question we're dealing with here is what can be done to stop these human looking night hunters. Garlic, sunlight and fire are the answers we have to pass along. Here in the Southern Peninsula we're having some light rain tonight, with a steady onshore flow that seems to indicate a storm is brewing. Don't you miss weather satellites? Well, not as much as coffee. Anyway, anyone east of us can expect a band of clouds and maybe rain, with less rain as they travel inland. Now back to our music. Burke's Concerto for Horns on the way."

There was the sound of fumbling, a whispered "damn" and then soft brassy notes filled the space.

"That sounded like a college station," Tara observed. "But a classics one, not one with the all angsty and deeply dark songs." 

"Yeah," Buffy said with a shuddering whisper. "Like things were broken everywhere and all you had left for entertainment was public radio."

"What did you need, anyway?" Tara asked gently.

Buffy looked around and saw everyone listening to the music. She stepped back to a corner and Tara followed. 

"What's going on?" Buffy asked in an urgent loud whisper. "Where's the rest of the women, who's draining the magic, where are the vamps nesting?" Buffy drew a ragged breath. "I don't know this place, Tara. Can you look around for me, and ask the others what's happening."

"What first?" Tara asked, "Vampires?"

"Yeah, and who's running the local gang o' horrors," Buffy said decisively. "And I need it soon. They'll be wondering what happened here tonight and might run off to blood daddy. I don't want to get surprised by something big and toothy."

"I'll hurry," Tara promised.

Buffy watched Tara simply vanish. Then she saw Peggy across the room. The little girl looked at her with big eyes. Buffy walked over to her and knelt down.

"She's OK," Buffy said gently, "but no one else can see her but you and me."

Peggy just looked like she was thinking hard and then nodded. 

"Magic," Peggy said surely. "Momma said there was magic in the old days."

"How long ago were the old days?" Buffy asked calmly.

"Really long ago," Peggy said. "Before my Daddy got dead. Ten years ago." Peggy held up her hands with all the fingers spread out. 

"I think there were dinosaurs then too," Peggy added with a thoughtful frown.

****

Chapter Six

I tried to look back in time to the point where Buffy arrived and found that months of isolated existence had given me the knowledge on a level I can't name. I watch anxiously as Buffy makes her headlong charge into the fray. I follow the remaining vampires as they bicker and stalk off. The smallest vampire falls back as the others bound away. When he was finally alone, I watch him dart with vampire quickness towards the center of the empty city. 

After a few minutes, the vampire stops at large building that is totally bricked up and surrounded by fearsome looking demons in uniforms. They search him and take him inside. I follow closely as they pass a gate that has eyed wards on it. The eyes blink at my passing but do not alarm. I can feel the lightest touch of the wards. I'm operating here on a mix or empathy and magic, not empathy alone. 

Magic could touch me here.

That knowledge makes me shudder as I see dozens of captives being led toward a back room. An image of Buffy and myself being led away comes to mind. I shake myself and re-focus on the mission. One human guard slips something out of his jacket and looks around quickly. He leaves and slips out a small side door that looks bricked up. Once outside he takes out a cigarette and lights up. There are lots of cold butts on the ground around him.

I guess the new owners of the building are real sticklers about their no smoking policy. I examine the door carefully from the outside. I see the brick he pulls to get back inside. The vampire is gone but I hear him complaining up some stairs.

The vampire is being led up a stairway and to a sturdy door. Beyond that door there's a chamber. I know that anything this elaborate and ornate has to be called a chamber, because the word room' alone doesn't fit the columns and golden cushions. No one as carefully handsome and poised as the occupant would be caught in a mere room as well. He reminds me of Miss Grey in the cast of his face and his arrogant body posture. I hate and fear him at once.

"Report," the handsome man demands in a bored tone.

"Some girl tore up Carl and Vinn before we could get to the food," the vampire explains fearfully.

"Some girl?" the arrogant man looks up with a bemused expression. "Who was this valkyrie?"

"I heard her say her name was Hope, but I'm kinda weak and might forget the rest of it, what with hunger and all," the vampire says looking at the cringing nearly naked woman next to the man. I try not to feel her fright.

I decide the man is an Arcadian as he gestures with a finger and the vampire rises screaming off the floor. The power he uses in an off-handed way makes me quake. I wouldn't last a heartbeat against him.

"Does that help that faltering memory, vermin?" the Arcadian asks with a smile.

"Summers," quails the vampire, "she said her name is Hope Summers but people call her Buffy. Spare me!"

"Why?" the man asks with an amused tone.

"You have to keep this place going," the vampire says hurriedly. "I read some books from before the Day. You can't use magic out there because the drain will just pull it back here. We can get this human nest for you. They won't get close to the feed line again."

"Amazing insight for a leech," the Arcadian says in a tone that reminds me of an unpleasant professor I had in Biology. "Usually we don't get more than feed and fornicate out of vampires. You're wrong though, leech. I can use magic out there, but it is a bother. And _we_ are human, the locals are savages at best and the rest are animals." The man cups the frightened woman's face in his hand and smiles at her in a possessive way. "Charming savages but savages none the less."

"Now as for you," the haughty man says to the vampire with steel in his voice, "you're going to wait outside until I send for you. Braal will give you an old, useless animal for dinner. Just before dawn you are going to go play weak little vampire and let this girl capture you."

"She's not the capturing type," the vampire whines.

"I know what I'm doing, vermin," the Arcadian says with a smile that makes the vampire nod vigorously. "You do what I say and when I say there'll be a nice juicy wench in it for you." 

"What about the others?" the vampire says quickly. "They'll kill me if I don't get them something."

"We'll see how this little spitfire does," the Arcadian smiles coldly. "Maybe she'll solve your problem one way or the other. Go"

The vampire scampers out just behind an armored human and I stay behind. I need to find out more. I cringe as he takes the woman and calls another handful to his side with a toss of his hand. A handsome young man comes behind, struggling against nothing that can be seen.

"Oh, give it up, young hero," the Arcadian says petulantly. "I'll give you something that boorish clod you mated with never could. I expand the horizons of all my pretties, and I'll make all of you love it. Mostly." 

I can feel the animal heat building in the women and the young man. Hate and fear and need make a powerful wave that almost swamps me. There's power in those emotions, a quick and dirty power you don't have to have empathy to tap. Then I see a danger I haven't faced before.

My empathy can enhance my magic. I'm connected to the Hellmouth. Dark emotions can trigger dark magic in a normal witch, with my rare combination of magic and empathy the triggering would release more than I could ever control. The emotions of the trapped people here are like acid etching away my control. I can feel the power of the Hellmouth surging near me.

I run away without helping them. I tell myself I need to get information for Buffy, to help stop this from happening again. I tell myself I can't help without the real risk of making things worse by pulling the power of the Hellmouth as it is now to this magic drain. I tell myself a lot of things as I flee back into the ornate rooms of this monster with the pretty face. I don't tell myself I'm weak and a coward. I know that already. 

I stop when I feel a reassuring hand on my arm. For a second, I'm back in the Magic Box and Giles is holding my arm and telling me I can do this. I see them all. Then I see an oak tree I'm resting against, lush grass on fertile ground, fire in a mound of earth and a stream nearby, bringing life-giving water to this place. Of all of them only Dawn is here as herself, holding a candle that grows brighter. Beside her is a sword, unsheathed almost exactly between the fire, the tree, and the stream. The peace and safety of this place fill me.

Then I'm back in the overblown decor of the Arcadian stronghold. I stop and look around. I've blundered into a study out of the Arabian Nights. Books fill carved cases around a desk bigger than my dorm room. A huge chair behind the desk is in front of a draped window. As I approach I see a simulacrum of what looks like a gravity well from one of Willow's physics books. It glows white as faint small lines come into larger lines until all the lines fall into a narrow cone. I sense power and control mixed in the image. 

On the desk there's a cream colored thick paper with elegant writing on it.

__

Dear R-

Just a quick note from a bored friend. W is making his move. It looks like he's going to make it. At the last match I heard him say his last tenor had been uppity and he was looking for a new one. Always collecting the arty savages is our W. Just a note to the wise. Toss me a few pretties when you get back to civilization.

G.

P.S. Here's a simulacrum of the new pool. Took a whole week's casting but the other one was just so old-fashioned. 

I look at the picture. I guess the style is now for ostentation, marble and columns. It's huge if the rather pretty brunette is to scale. I feel my head shaking. It's not what magic is for. Then I realize I've done it again and spoken what I was thinking. The wards still are closed. Almost, Maclay.

I look out the window and see the same thing as the pretty hologram on the desk, only on a scale that can't fit inside the building. I know it can't but it does. The power is beyond anything I can describe, and I notice I'm glowing slightly. One of the eyes carved on the chair is starting to open. I touch the unknowing way I travel and I'm back inside the fortress next to Buffy. Far off I can hear a cry of alarm from something inhuman.

"What happened?" Buffy asks, "Lose the trail?"

"Huh?" I answer elegantly.

"You were only gone for a couple of minutes," she says gently. "Don't worry, I'll find them."

"Oh, no," I say finally understanding, "I found who's behind the attack."

"Not vamps?" Buffy asks grimly.

"Arcadian, and he's powerful," I start when Buffy looks around and I slump in the Magic Box. Magic has slammed into Buffy and my protective spell has held but it won't a second time. I feel Xander's strength and Willow's concern, Anya makes me feel like I've had a triple espresso and Giles makes me steady, all between heartbeats. Then I'm back and I throw a spell over Buffy and the fortress that binds to the earth. The next blow is deflected and the third is almost gentle.

The magic weakens swiftly but there are remnants now where there were none before.

"Looks like," Buffy says with forced lightness. 

"Who is that?" Erin snaps. 

We turn and see a dozen frightened people pointing makeshift weapons at us. Buffy carefully turns to face Erin.

"This is Tara, a friend from my home, she's been guiding me," Buffy says carefully.

"Let her speak," Erin orders.

"I'm, um, Buffy's friend," I start nervously. "We met at school through Willow, who's, um-" I stall at that.

"What are you?" Erin demands as I run out of words.

"She's a witch, and my friend and the person who found out who's behind this latest attack and probably a few others," Buffy snarls back. "She's faced these people before and may be the only thing between you and an army of vampires."

"Um, demons actually, really ugly soldier types," I interject. Buffy glares at me, "S-sorry Buffy." I feel my stammer start and look down, trying to focus.

"Oh, she looks dangerous and sounds like a killer," a man says quietly.

"Dalren, shut up," Erin commands. 

"S-she's right," I point out. "You can't tell from the outside, and with magic you've got to be...careful." I finish as Buffy just looks at me.

"Magic?" Erin exclaims as the others lower their weapons slightly.

"I-I'm not all that powerful," I answer, then realize how dangerous that could be, "where I come from at least." 

"Is she always like this?" Erin asks with a rueful half smile.

"Only when she's nervous," Buffy says gently. "Tara what happened? Why can everybody see you. Not that it's a bad thing, but, _why_?"

I think for a moment. I was glowing in the room overlooking the magic drainpoint.

"I think I'm contaminated with the local magic," I say carefully, "but that's just a guess."

"There isn't any magic here," Erin says sadly, "Ours hasn't come back since the Day. Maybe we _should_ pack up and leave for your province if there's magic there."

"It's a long way off and there's lots of, of stuff between here and there," Buffy explains quickly. "Life drinkers and huge demons, bad guys."

I don't know what warns me but I push everything I have into the spell remnants around the shelter. A second later the world explodes in a fiery light in my head and I'm sorry to say I let out a cry of pain.

I feel Giles grab me in the Magic Box and I focus with the strength I feel from Xander and the fire from Anya. Then I see a little dust fall from the ceiling of the redoubt but the fortress holds. I realize I can smell here when I smell blood and look around for the injured. Buffy glances at me with worry. Oh. I touch my upper lip and my finger comes away with a red streak.

"Where'd she go?" Clive asks with worry in his young voice.

"She's right there," Peggy says just short of crying. Clive reaches for her and puts his arms around her small shoulders. She clings to him.

"Tara, what's happening," Buffy asks in a commanding tone.

"Another attack," I gasp. "It's over."

"How did you stop it?" Buffy asks looking carefully at me.

I think for a minute. The Arcadian has a lot of power but it's power from here.

"I think the land is taking back the magic it kind of wants," I try to explain. "I bound the shield to the earth for the attack before and I think that's where the magic went."

"I thought you said you weren't that powerful," Buffy chides me gently.

"I'm not," I protest weakly. "Most of that last shield came from Xander and Anya."

Buffy's face changes in an instant. The Slayer that I watched in a time that I pray won't exist now looked like this. Hard, it's the only word that fits. But this Buffy isn't brittle.

Not yet.

I try to sense if more magic is building in the Arcadian stronghold. It's like looking into the setting sun and trying to see something on the horizon. The magic being drained masks the Arcadian and his magic. I'm not trained for magical combat. 

"I know Tara," Buffy says firmly, "but you're what I have and you're doing a good job."

"Sorry," I say quickly, "talking out loud again. I know, I'll try."

I set a tiny bit of magic on the earth between the stronghold and us. I make it sensitive and ask the earth to hold it. It weakens almost immediately but it will take a few minutes to be totally gone. I'll feel it when it fades or magic passes near it. 

"I've put out a magic radar, sort of," I tell Buffy. "We'll have some warning for the next few minutes."

"What did you see?" Buffy asks quickly. The rest of the people are hanging just in back of her, some are squinting and trying to see me. Drawing a ragged breath, I start to tell Buffy what I've seen and heard. Buffy passes the words along to Erin and the others. The one called Dalren looks thoughtful. When I describe the captives and relate the Arcadian's words I see one of the men in the radio loft wince. It's the scarred one who was powering the generator.

I wonder whom he's thinking about. I know what it's like to see someone you love hurt, but I've never known that particular hell. My empathy kicks in weakly and I get an impression of the young man breathing gently in sleep and a sense of wonder that anyone so beautiful should chose an ugly thing to love. For a heartbeat we seem to be one.

Tears fill my eyes and I can't speak for a moment. I feel the magic warning failing outside and tell Buffy I have to take care of it. It gives me a moment to pull myself together. This time when I touch the earth this time the magic takes and holds, fading very slowly. When I come back to Buffy she's taking a quick look at the scarred man.

"A girl?" Buffy asks me quietly. I shake my head. Buffy nods and sighs as she runs her hands through her hair. 

"What else, Tara?"

"Then I ran away," I say bitterly. "My empathy was"

"Was redlining and gonna blow," Buffy says firmly. "And your magic would've gone off if that'd happened. Then Hellmouth stuff happens and that would've beenbad."

"You did the right thing, Tara," she says gently, then her tone grows more stern. "So stop beating yourself up."

I nod and try to remember the rest of it. 

"I ended up back deeper in the building. In a study, there was a model like a really good hologram above the desk," I say trying to sound steady. "I think it's a control of some sort. The big chair has wards like eyes. The study looks out over the drainpoint. There was a note too, one from his home dimension, I think."

I describe the note to Buffy. She frowns at one point.

"Why the initials?" Buffy asks.

"Your real name has power when you're this strong," I explain. Buffy nods and then is quiet for a moment.

"Can you find me these feed lines?" Buffy asks me, and then she turns to Erin. "I need a map of the city."

Dalren brings an old street map. I try to feel the city and the image of the city at the same time. I think I feel myself in both places. I touch the map and hear a muffled gasp as the paper wrinkles very slightly under my touch. I've pointed to the location of the redoubt. The magic that is being taken away from here seems to call to me. Buffy follows my tracing on the map.

"That's over near Mercy Hospital," a gruff voice from overhead says. "Zar went that way looking for medical salvage."

"Was Zar sensitive to magic?" I ask quickly, wondering if a sudden idea makes sense. Buffy passes it along.

"I don't know," the voice admits sadly, "but he could always find stuff."

"Let's say that's a yes," Buffy decides. "What does that mean, Tara?"

"Maybe the feed lines are full of magic that wants to stay here," I say trying to figure out my thoughts as I speak. "And if the magic flow is watched someone with magic changing the flow would cause an alarm. So if Zar was gifted then the magic may really want to stay with him."

"You mean it's alive?" Buffy asks with concern.

"Yes and no, but mostly no, more like physics and adhesion, um, weak attractors and that," I say weakly. "Willow would know."

"Ask her," Buffy says gently.

I'm back in the Magic Box for a moment. Willow looks up and frowns quizzically. I see her shock sweep over her face as she looks at me. She almost gets up. Giles snaps his gaze at her. Willow stops.

"Love, magic," I say in short gasps. I forgot how much my ribs hurt here. "Does magic, um, try to stay where it was generated? And would some native with the talent but not the training make magic respond to him?"

"You mean adhesion and friction acting on an object and effecting force?" Willow asks with more spark than I've seen yet in this long day. "Or maybe weak attractors and affinities of co-generated power to act on a single point? Stuff like that?"

I smile and nod while I try not to hold my ribs. I don't want to worry them.

"I'll think about it," Willow says, then my love frowns. "I think that might explain some stuff. I wish I had my iBook. Note to self, bring computer and mocha to next inter-dimensional sending."

"Mocha," Dawn and Anya whisper longingly.

Then I'm back at the redoubt. Buffy hasn't moved much at all. 

"It seems I might be kind of right," I tell Buffy feeling relieved.

"_Duh_," Buffy snaps with a roll of her eyes.

Sometimes she can express her confidence in me in ways that aren't conventional. 

Buffy looks at the map for a moment and then looks up at the surrounding people. I feel confident when I see her square her shoulders and meet Erin's gaze. 

"I don't know what's going to happen but I can do two things," Buffy says calmly. "I can tell you how to kill a vampire. The other thing isn't certain. I've got no way to tell you if this'll work or just get some people killed."

I can feel her uncertainty. I take a quick breath.

"You're the Slayer, Buffy," I say with as much confidence as I have in her. "You're their best chance." 

"I'm going to try to bring back the magic," Buffy says with a tight, grim grin. "And it's gonna get ugly for somebody." 

****

Chapter Seven

Desertion by Proxy

Tara watched as Buffy ran through the motions of staking a vampire. She had her students' full attention. Tara stared at the little girl asleep next to her brother. She walked over to the children and knelt down. Unbidden a memory of them with their throats torn out came to mind. After a second, Tara could open her eyes.

"Giles," Tara whispered in the Magic Box. "I want to cast a pair of protection spells there. I want to do elemental protections."

"It's draining, Tara," Giles warned, "Are you sure?"

Tara could feel the concern in the older man's voice slip around the group. 

"They're children," she started.

With those words Xander's strength filled her just ahead of Dawn's odd feeling power. Anya was trying to be subtle but she didn't hold back. Willow wilted as she realized there was nothing she could give, and her lover felt that.

"Keep me centered, love," Tara begged softly. "Think of me."

Willow could do that all day long, and it felt joyous now. Tara had come back to her, even if she didn't deserve the shy witch. She tried to forget the tearing sheet of pain that had swept over her just after Tara's first ethereal touch when she had returned. Her smile was weak but real as Tara slipped back into the trance.

Tara looked at the sleeping children and touched the earth around them in the redoubt. Then the witch found the growing weeds and grasses that refused to give in that are found in any city and wove their tiny life energies into the spell. It wasn't conventional but Tara found the hum of the electronics in the shelter's radio loft made them feel safe, so the witch tied the currents of electricity to the spell for fire. Metal and wood abounded in the rough fortress that was their home. 

She touched the power the Scoobies had in the circle and felt power sluice out of her. For a second Tara thought she had failed and looked with her inner eye at the children. She smothered a gasp as she saw an intricate tracery of power slide into the walls of the fortification. The children slept on, the spells in place. The magic didn't fade. Now Tara could see Peggy's center as the spell wove itself around her. 

Peggy had the power of magic. She wouldn't be as powerful as Tara's mother or Willow, but she had the gift. Tara wondered if the local draining of magic stopped how powerful the child could be. She knew the power could be dangerous. Tara woke her by calling her name gently. The girl rubbed her eyes and looked at the witch.

"Peggy, I'm going to show you how to do something very important," Tara explained. "You must do this every day at least three times. Do you understand?"

The little girl nodded solemnly and watched with large eyes as Tara touched her temples. 

"Follow me," Tara said. "Just do this, sweetie." 

Peggy didn't panic at finding herself in a place that was and wasn't her home. The girl's calmness reassured Tara. Tara took her own power and bound to the earth. Peggy did the same but very slowly and carefully. Tara pushed the child in the other-place of magic and the child smiled as her connection held. 

"Do it again," Tara ordered.

Peggy followed her command and the child was faster and surer this time. The third time Tara made her do it she was not well bound. Tara shoved her gently with magic and Peggy rolled in her bed in the real redoubt. 

"This is binding to the earth," Tara explained. "I know you can do this, and do it better. You have the gift of magic, Peggy. You're going to need a real teacher soon."

"What about you?" the girl asked in a small voice.

"I have to go with, um, Hope and help her," Tara explained. 

"She's important," Peggy stated surely. 

"So are you, sweetie," Tara said with gentle firmness. "Now bind again, and do it fast and strong."

Peggy smiled at Tara's words and then gave her best and swiftest effort yet. Tara smiled at her quick grasp and skill.

"You're going to be very good," Tara said softly. "Listen to your mother, and never hurt anyone unless it's to save a life."

Tara wove a small and basic spell around Peggy's core. It would keep the child from touching the power inside her accidentally, yet let her bind to the earth. Her teacher could break it when the child was ready. Tara looked at the child for a moment and felt the trust there. She felt the tug of loss of her own mother. Tara smiled outwardly and stood up.

"Go to sleep," Tara said firmly, "and don't wake your brother."

Buffy was watching her as she came over to the Slayer. 

"Buffy, we need to talk to Erin," Tara said with tired urgency. "Her daughter has magic."

"Can you do something for her?" Buffy asked with concern. Tara followed her gaze to the sleeping children's alcove. 

"I've placed a protection spell on them both," Tara explained gently. "I've shown her how to bind to the earth and put a safety lock spell on her magic."

"Won't it fade?" Buffy asked distantly as she didn't take her eyes off the alcove.

"No, and I don't know why," Tara answered looking at Buffy carefully. "They're asleep if you want to look in on them."

"No," Buffy said quickly. The young woman looked away and shook her head. "Let's find Erin," the Slayer said firmly as she strode off.

Tara shook her head gently at Buffy's slamming the door on her feelings. The witch worried about Buffy and her hiding behind the Slayer when feelings got scary. An unpleasant memory of Buffy, alone and walled off from the rest of the world as she fought and worked in endless repetition. Tara jerked back to the now when Buffy walked up to a yawning Erin.

"Erin, Tara says this is important," Buffy said quickly. "It's going to be kinda freaky but you need to know. Peggy has magical talent."

"I wondered," Erin whispered with less surprise than the young women had expected. "Is she in danger?"

Tara tried not to wince and failed. The fears of the woman who had seen magic fail flared as she heard the witch's news about her young child. Buffy met the older woman's eyes and suddenly remembered all the times Giles and his words had given her strength. 

"Tara put a protection spell on her, and I know she does those majorly good," Buffy said confidently. "She's also shown her a basic witchy thing and made sure she won't turn her brother into a toad with some magic lock."

"Thank her for me, Hope," Erin said as she lowered her head and shook. 

Buffy reached out and took the older woman in her arms and gave her a quick embrace. Tara looked away and tried to compose herself. When the witch looked up she caught sight of a furtive movement near the door. 

"Buffy," Tara said with an edge of warning in her voice.

Buffy turned and saw where Tara was looking. She saw the scarred man arguing with the battered doorkeeper. The large man was carrying more weapons than Buffy had in her chest at home. Buffy strode quickly towards him.

"Remind me to apologize to Giles for that time I just charged off without thinking," Buffy snapped at Tara.

"Um," Tara started and then decided not to ask which time.

Buffy arrived just as the ugly man pushed the doorkeeper out of the way. Buffy spun the large heavily armed man around and pushed him into wall. 

"No going out after curfew, young man, unless you want to get grounded," Buffy said with a bright sternness.

"Let me go, Hope," the big man growled. 

Tara was about to tell Buffy about the bond she had felt between the man in the Arcadian stronghold and the desperate man in her grasp when the Slayer tighten her grip and pulled the man's face close to hers.

"Getting killed won't help him," Buffy whispered roughly. "He needs you to be strong. They all do."

"What do you know about it?" the man almost snarled. "You hunt demons and can kill life drinkers."

"So I don't know what it's like to be frightened and ashamed and not want anyone to touch me?" she said through clenched teeth without letting him go. "I don't know what it's like to just want it all to stop? I don't know about wanting it all to go away and let me just curl up and stop _thinking_ about it" 

Buffy couldn't go on as she struggled to catch her breath through the sobs she refused to let out. The man's face was a mask of surprised shock as his own tears threatened in his eyes. He reached for her tentatively, afraid to hurt her. Buffy returned his touch and felt the man sag as his own tears broke free.

"It hurts," was all he could get out. 

"He needs you," Buffy said surely. "He needs you. We all do."

"Geoff," Erin said gently as she took his hand. "Let's get you to bed."

Buffy watched him let himself be led off by Dalren and another man. Erin turned to Buffy.

"You need sleep too, Hope, I mean Buffy," Erin said firmly. "What about your friend?"

"Tara will be okay, rightTara?"

Buffy felt a moment of panic as she looked for the witch and didn't see her. Then she saw a prim dark skinned woman stride in from nowhere. Erin faded away as bright white light filled Buffy's vision.

----------------------------------------------------------------- 

Tara looked around her at the white space she was in suddenly. Michelle just looked at her. Tara quivered with anger as she strode up to the powerful woman.

"No!" Tara demanded. "You said Buffy could have me as long as she needed to do what Hope would have done! We're not finished!"

"She _has_ done what Hope could have, Tara," Michelle explained, "and more." 

Tara was there in a ruined building near the smoking ruin of the redoubt. She was looking down at a girl perhaps a year older than her siblings. Blood streaked her face and saturated the middle of ragged coverall she wore. The two younger children clutched each other in the darkness as Geoff covered her with a tattered coat. The girl's eyes fluttered. She looked into the man's eyes with utter loss etched into her young face.

"I promised Momma I'd take care of them," Hope cried weakly. "I _promised_."

"I'll take them out of here, Hope," Geoff said gently. "Sleep now."

"Cold," Hope whispered. 

A moment later she didn't need the coat. Geoff pressed her eyes closed and held them for a second. Then he stood up and picked up Peggy and took Clive's hand. The boy looked up at him and pulled away. He knelt by his sister and picked up the coat. Clive's tears flowed as he looked up at the man with a face harder than any Tara had seen in Dawn's time in Juvenile Corrections.

"You need this," the boy said flatly.

Tara stared at Michelle with anger building in her eyes. 

"_This_ is how it was _supposed _to be?!?" Tara raged. "She was gonna _die_ here! Everything Buffy's done for the Light and what's good and she's some poor _child_ who ends up being _butchered_! WHY?"

"Choices," Michelle answered sadly.

Tara glared at Michelle and felt her body shake in anger.

"She needs help," Tara hissed. "I'm staying."

"No," Michelle said gently.

Tara felt herself pushed out of wherever she was and through the Hellmouth for what seemed like endless miles. Images filled her distraught mind as she plunged through the Hellmouth. The witch struggled against the force pushing her, trying to get back to Buffy, to where she was needed. The next thing she knew she was falling to the floor of the Magic Box in the circle.

The mournful cry she had followed was silent and, try as she might, Tara couldn't feel Buffy at all. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------

The room was as bright as Buffy remembered and Michelle was still just as somberly clad and stiff-necked.

"Where's Tara?" Buffy demanded.

"You had her help until Hope's effect on this place was complete," Michelle answered firmly.

"That's _why_ at best," growled Buffy. "I want _where_ and I want it now."

"Tara is in the Magic Box," Michelle said calmly. "She's very stubborn," she added with a frown.

"Meaning she told you where to stick it and you out-mojoed her," Buffy said quickly. "All right miss-play-with-the-humans, now what is the white queen supposed to do? Go diagonal and kill the vampires? Go straight and break up the magic sucking thing? How many pawns get killed so you can win your little game? _Well_?" 

"It's not a game!" Michelle snapped suddenly. "You think I _like_ seeing people butchered? Do I want to see it when they lose everything they could have been, could have done?" She fought for her control. "The rules that have to be so everything keeps going are mostly don't touch the choices made'. We have to obey or everyone loses everything."

Buffy and Michelle just looked at each other for a handful of seconds. Buffy took a deep breath.

"It's my choice, right?" Buffy said still angry. "Staying or going?"

"Always," Michelle said tightly.

"Send me back there," Buffy said with an edge of despair in her voice. "I'm not finished."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Tara looked up at Giles with fear in her eyes. The older man met her gaze as he helped her sit up. She winced and then looked around the ruined store quickly with wide eyes.

"Did she come back?" Tara asked desperately. "Michelle wouldn't let me go back. I've got to get back."

"Tara," Giles started.

"You don't understand!" Tara wailed, "He's got magic and demons and vampires. She needs me. I can't run away."

"Tara!" Giles shouted as he held her arms.

The witch met his eyes. Giles flinched inwardly at her lost expression and her anguish. They echoed in him, the horrible attendants to the thought that you had failed the people counting on you most. Then Tara looked at him with a desperate hope that held little sanity.

"I can get back!" Tara said too brightly. "I can ride the Hellmouth to the sphere and then, and then, and _then_ I take just a bit of the free magic there and push through the wall" 

"And open the Hellmouth under Buffy's feet," Giles said sternly. "Or lose the best part of yourself in the power of the Hellmouth."

"I've got to do something," she cried as she struggled in Giles grasp.

"Tara!" Willow shouted. The witch turned to Willow as the redhead slumped. She looked up and met Tara's confused and conflicted gaze.

"I know love, please, stay with me," Willow pleaded where she sat in the circle. Tara looked at her, saw the knowing pain on her lover's face and saw Willow holding her hand out to her. 

Tara sagged in Giles' grasp and started to cry.

"I left her," Tara said, broken by the failure only she saw.

"It wasn't you," Giles said gently as he lowered her to Willow's side. "It wasn't you."

Tara heard the words but it was the feeling she that swept over her from the circle when she curled up next to Willow that made them real. There was worry, even fear, for Buffy and the same for herself. The witch couldn't quite accept she deserved such concern but Tara relaxed as Willow's hand brushed her hair. Her aches and efforts caught up with her and the room went black.

For the first time in months, Tara slept. In her dreams, she saw Buffy fighting alone in the dark again, but this time the combat moved farther and farther away. Tara tried to keep up but the Slayer and her unending opponents became more distant until Buffy was gone and all Tara could do was call for her in the empty darkness.


	3. Chapter 8

****

Chapter Eight

Invitation to Ruin

Buffy blinked in the redoubt. Erin looked at her with concern.

"Is there something wrong?" the older woman asked.

"Tara's gone," Buffy said softly before she thought.

""They've killed the mage?" Erin said with shocked sadness in her tone. "Buffy, I'm sorry."

"Huh? Oh, no," Buffy fumbled trying to organize her thoughts. "Tara's alright but she can't get through anymore. Does that make sense?"

"I think so," Erin said relieved, "but I don't know magic. She must have been powerful to have been able to stay as long as she did."

"Try getting _her_ to understand that," Buffy said in an exasperated tone with a roll of her eyes.

"Well, what I understand is that is very late and you need some sleep before tomorrow," Erin said with gentle sternness. "You're off to bed. Come along."

Buffy let Erin lead her to a pallet set in a tiny alcove with its own small lamp. Buffy smiled at the plate and the large piece of bread waiting on the bed.

"Finish it," Erin ordered. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"No problem," Buffy said as her stomach reminded her about the importance of nutrition. 

Buffy sat cross-legged on the bed and tucked into the simple meal. It tasted good, and after she was finished, the pallet looked more inviting than before. She lay down and yawned.

"Just a couple of minutes," Buffy said to no one in particular.

A few moments later, Erin picked up the dishes and pulled the blanket over the sleeping Slayer. 

"Too young," Erin whispered as she blew out the lamp.

Buffy awoke and tried to place where she was for a second. Erin and two children that might have been her family came to mind. There was more light than she remembered and that made her toss off the blanket and leap up. Dalren knocked at the tiny alcove's frame.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" Buffy groaned as she yawned and ran a hand through her hair.

"I tried, but I figured anyone who could toss me across the hall needed more sleep," Dalren answered wryly and rotating his shoulder. "You're not a morning person."

"Yeah, but I am a killing night things person," Buffy answered quickly. "The thing is, you gotta have night to hunt night things. Early morning is an acceptable substitute."

"Sorry about the whole tossing incident," she added sincerely.

"I'll use a padded stick next time," Dalren said with a smile. "Erin and Geoff are waiting."

"Dalren, are you related to Erin?" Buffy asked gently as she pulled on her boots.

"Only by marriage," he answered lightly. "She's my sister in law."

"So Clive and Peggy are your niece and nephew," Buffy said as she looked at herself in the tiny mirror and made an unhappy face. 

"And good kids anyway," Dalren said quietly. "There was anothernever mind. Let's get downstairs."

Buffy followed him down the stairs. She saw that the morning light was streaming in through several hatches that hadn't been obvious until they were open. There was less of a fortress feeling about the place this morning. Several people waved to her casually as they went about their chores. Peggy and Clive were chasing a ball. 

It felt like a home this morning; one she was visiting, but a home nonetheless.

As Buffy walked over to the table where Erin and Geoff were sitting the large man stood up. She smiled at the old fashioned courtesy, as she accepted Dalren helping her with her chair.

"I could get used to having gentlemen around," Buffy said with a smile.

"Oh they're charmers as long as you watch them," Erin teased.

"High maintenance requirements?" Buffy asked innocently.

"But worth every effort," Dalren said genteelly.

Erin just gave a sad smile. Then her expression changed and her manner turned decidedly business-like. Buffy did the same. Neither of them noticed Dalren's brief frown of concern.

"We may have the Arcadian's opening gambit outside," Erin said quickly. 

"Just before dawn, I went out, with some help, and we made the easiest capture ever," Geoff explained with a frown. "Only had to dust two of them. Evidently they didn't know stakes didn't agree with vamps."

Buffy smiled at the way the large man used her slaying vocabulary without thinking about it. Then she thought about what no one seemed to know here.

"Did you ever see a Dracula movie?" Buffy asked carefully. Geoff and Erin just shook their heads.

"I used to go to lot of movies before the magic failed and they stopped working." Dalren said with a tone of nostalgia. "But I don't remember that director. Or is it an actor?"

"Writer," Buffy lied quickly. "No big. What about the vamps? Are they here?" 

"Not in this place," Erin snapped. "Sorry. I won't have those things near the children."

"Good," Buffy agreed. "Let's go talk to the bait and see what we're supposed to believe about Mr. R's neighborhood."

Buffy and Geoff walked out to the main door speaking low and carefully. Geoff finally nodded and smiled. He led Buffy to a small shed made of scrap just outside the redoubt. The large man wrenched open the door and the two vampires chained inside leapt away from the sunlight. 

"When I get out of these chains I'm gonna suck you slow so you can scream longer," roared the larger of the vampires. 

"But they're just so you," Buffy said lightly, "all stupid and about to die unless I get some answers."

The vampire just growled at her.

"I'll take that as a tell us about this amazing offer,'" She said with a wicked smile. "All you have to do is tell me everything about getting into a big bricked up building with a hundred or so guards with no growling."

"Don't tell her nothing," the big vampire snapped at the smaller one. 

Her hand lashed out and the large vampire's chains fell in the cloud of dust. Buffy twirled the stake in deftly between her fingers. .

"Bad grammar, bad advice, contestant number one," Buffy said with a pout. "What about you, contestant number two?"

"I got good grammar," the small vampire said quickly.

"I'll take your word for it," she said flatly. "How about getting into the building with the Arcadian magic?"

Buffy saw the vampire's eyes narrow at her mention of the Arcadian. She saw real fear in his eyes, but who frightened him more was the question.

"Well?" Or do you want to go for the sun drenched vacation?"

"I can get you in, but only one of you," the vampire said quickly as Buffy and Geoff reached into the shed.

"Now why doesn't that surprise me?"

"Because it's an ambush," Geoff answered with a feral smile. He grabbed the chains and gave a pull. 

"It's the only way in!" screeched the vampire as his shoes started to smoke.

"Wait a second," Buffy said with a frown. "He's gonna need his feet to get me into this place."

"So you're going to trust this leech and go with him, Hope?" Geoff exclaimed. 

"Only if he has his feet," Buffy shouted over the squealing vampire.

"Right," he said and let go of the chains. The vampire scrambled out of the light.

"Let's face it," Buffy said with a sigh, "we don't have any other way into this place."

"Only if we're nearby," Geoff insisted. "At the old theater with everybody ready to go."

"It's too close," she said quickly.

"It's got a deep basement," Geoff said urgently. "They won't know we're there until it's too late."

"All right, _Paul_, but be careful," Buffy said with concern. 

"Stay warm," she said as she waved at the vampire.

The two of them closed the shed's door and locked it. They walked off toward the redoubt. Geoff turned to Buffy who held up her hand. 

"Don't try to talk me out of it, _Paul_," she said angrily.

Geoff looked at her and shrugged his shoulders. When they got inside the redoubt Buffy let out a big breath and sagged a bit.

"I know I said good, but I should have said vamps have incredible hearing, along with speed, and a sense of smell that could pick out a blood type," Buffy said. "I'm sorry. I forget how much I assume everybody knows."

"Where you come from," Geoff said quietly. "Why Paul?"

"I don't know any Pauls," Buffy said as if it made perfect sense. 

She moved further into the redoubt. Geoff followed her. Buffy looked around and waited until they were alone. She was about to start when a ball rolled up to her feet and Clive darted after it. She kicked it toward the boy and smiled at him. 

"Hey, Hope, do want to see my books?" Clive asked quickly.

"And get suckered into reading half a dozen," Geoff warned.

Buffy laughed, Clive stuck his tongue out at Geoff, and the big man held his arms up and made bear noises. The boy laughed and ran off. Buffy looked after him until he disappeared around a corner. Then she looked down and pushed her hair off her face.

"Geoff, you're one of the ones who have to keep the others safe," she started gently. "Erin and Dalren may keep this place going but you're one of the ones that keep the dark out. I know what it's like to keep the dark out."

"How about the letting the truth in, Buffy?" Geoff said in the same gentle tone.

"You wouldn't believe it," she said resignedly. "I lived it, mostly, and I don't believe it. I won't hurt anyone here, Geoff. That's all the truth I can give you."

He looked at her for a second and then stood up.

"I'll take it," he said with a smile.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Buffy watched the sun go down and felt the butterflies in her stomach start up. It was so much easier when it was just you on the line. She could understand Faith's love of danger and excitement, as long she was alone on the edge.

But she hadn't been alone for a while. And tonight a dozen lives she didn't know were hinging directly on her decisions and planning. Beyond that a broken world would start to heal, but only if she didn't blow it. Buffy wanted more than anything to see Giles walk in the door with books in one hand, a mug of tea in the other and a plan. Instead, all she had were memories of the things he'd done and said. It had to be enough. 

Buffy walked down to the party of men in dark clothes that surrounded Geoff. Buffy looked them over and found nothing that would catch or call attention to them. Buffy understood the other reason Giles cleaned his glasses so often. Buffy crossed her arms in front of her to hide the shaking.

"Here's how this is supposed to go," Buffy said calmly. "I'm going in and no one is coming after me no matter what. It's not open to debate. After I'm in and the party starts you get in and free as many captives as possible. Just in case each of you has a cross. Touch everybody with it. If they vamp out just stake em. They're wearing a dead man's face. Stay away from the theater and the feedlines, Any questions?"

They looked at her and Buffy made herself meet their eyes. They had no questions. 

"Let's go," the Slayer said flatly.

Buffy stopped just outside the door and turned to Geoff and held out her hand.

"I need it, Paul," she insisted.

"If they search you find it on you it's over," Geoff said.

"The leech will carry it," Buffy said with a grin in her voice. "He doesn't know what it is."

"And if he drinks it in the presence of the Arcadian," Geoff said. "Then it's worse with all that power. Do you have any idea what will happen if he drinks it, especially around that much magic?"

"No, but I need it in there, just in case it all goes wrong," Buffy pleaded. 

"I don't like it," he said handing her a silver flask. 

They approached the shed and opened the door. The vampire charged Buffy. It stopped and dropped with a punch from Buffy that would have stunned a buffalo. 

"Playtime's over," she said sternly. "Be good or you might get a splinter."

"I'll see you at-at the place," Geoff said looking at the vampire.

Buffy picked up the chain around the vampire's neck and pulled him upright. 

"Be good and carry this," she smiled as she stuffed the flask in his pocket. "Just remember drinking can be bad for you."

"Walkies," she said in a bad British accent.

The vampire led Buffy towards the building and around it to a side door that had no cigarette butts around it. As they drew closer to the door, Buffy felt her heartbeat speed up. Her senses caught the movement of the wards following her, but there was no noise. They passed through the door and up a stairway in the silent building. Buffy tightened her grip on the chains and the vampire choked out a protest.

"You don't breathe," she pointed out.

"Sorry, forgot," the vampire said and actually sounding chagrined.

The vampire stopped in front of a tall sturdy door. Buffy stopped him as he reached for the knob. She pulled him back and turned the handle herself and then tossed the vampire into the room.

"But I don't want him, Hope," said an amused male voice. 

"I've got a hunch he's yours anyway," Buffy said as lights came up and revealed a young looking man with a sculpted face. His torso was encased in shining armor.

"I think I'm underdressed for the bad Roman movie here," she said with a feral grin.

"Then here's some jewelry for you, Miss Summers," the Arcadian said holding up a pair of manacles in gold. "They're made just for you, like this armor was made against you,"

"Not my scene," Buffy said quickly. "You wear them."

"Not my size," The Arcadian answered indolently. "You wear them. I insist."

With that the manacles flew across the room and snapped onto her wrists before even Buffy could react. The chain between them was deceptively thin.

"Not even going to try to break them, Hope, oh I am so sorry," the armored man sat down in his chair. "Buffy, as you prefer."

"You know a lot," Buffy said noncommittally. She pulled on the manacles and felt them give slightly.

"Yes, right now a ramshackle old theater is being, well, renovated," he said with a smile. 

"No!" Buffy yelled and stepped toward him. The Slayer's eyes narrowed as a pain shot up her arm from her wrists. Buffy stopped and feigned more pain than she felt. With horror she realized she felt warmth moving down her arm from the first point of pain.

"Ah, thank you," the Arcadian said. "Without your blood I couldn't find your half-blooded witch. She's woven the cleverest spell of hiding, you know. I doubt she loves you, by the way. Power is it's own love."

"You don't know her or me," Buffy snarled in an attempt to hide her unexpected laughter. She looked at the vampire that had snuck off to a corner of the room and was trying to fumble out the flask.

"I know she likes pretty girls, is half human and values you enough to enhance your strength and senses," the indolent man said behind his desk. "You're a wonderful weapon, and I know you'd be very much more if _I_ were crafting you out of some pretty savage." 

Buffy just said "eeww" and didn't notice her Slayer's blood touching the floor. The wooden floorboard glowed in an unhealthy light. 

"Now I'll have her," the Arcadian said with a predator's grin. A bolt of the same colored light flowed between his hands and he concentrated, then seemed to fight the web of light in his hands.

"Where are you, little half-human?" he asked the light with a grin.

Buffy silently wished the vampire would hurry. No matter what happened it was better than listening to this arrogant prattle.

-------------------------------------------------------------

In the Magic Box Tara awoke after a few minutes and felt both danger and Buffy's frustration. The Hellmouth stirred unpleasantly in the back of her senses.

"Buffy?" Tara said softly. She reached out with what power she had and tried to find Buffy. The Scoobies tried to concentrate.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Buffy glared at the vampire as he finally pulled out Dalren's silver flask. The Arcadian at the desk was sweating now.

"Give it to me," Buffy ordered. 

"You'll get it all in a minute," the vampire said and then he upended the flask down his throat.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Outside the building Geoff and his men waited. A human and a demon had stepped out side and lit up. Geoff turned away as the two guards destroyed their night vision with the flares of their matches. Suddenly one of the guards' belt buckle screeched. Both of them took a long drag and flicked the butts away as they turned back to the door and pulled the triggering brick.

The last thing the guards remembered was the wall coming at them too fast.

-------------------------------------------------------------

The Arcadian looked up at the scream and then ducked at the flare of fire that consumed the vampire as the undead creature drank the holy water in the flask. The spell shattered in his hands and he flinched away, shaking them. The frightened man called for his guards. When they did not come he looked up from his injured hands and froze at the sight of the small woman dropping two of his demons to the ground. 

Their heads weren't supposed to be looking directly behind them.

Buffy smiled and kicked the desk as hard as she could. The enormous expanse of wood smashed backward and pushed him off his chair. She leapt at him with the manacled wrists held high. Her target threw up a barrier of power between himself and the Slayer. He took half a breath when he saw her eyes weren't on him as he had assumed. She brought the magically crafted manacles down hard on the delicate image swirling on the massive desk.

-------------------------------------------------------------

"Buffy?" Tara repeated in the Magic Box. There was a distant flare of power and the Hellmouth quieted. Tara couldn't feel the Slayer anymore. The last fleeting touch had tasted of the same fierce joy she felt when Buffy and Anya had broken Miss Grey's power and undid the timeline that had trapped the witch. 

"No," Tara whispered in pained disbelief.

Everyone in the Magic Box turned to stare at the center of the circle with a desperate hope.

-------------------------------------------------------------

"NO!" screamed the man Buffy knew only as R.

All around them light streamed in random patterns and colors. The Arcadian began to chant and take on a faint glow. 

"You haven't won, Hope!" He screamed above the bell-like noises of the light.

Buffy smashed both feet into the startled mage. Part of his armor flew away. He lurched up to his feet in shock and looked at her broken manacles on the desk. He looked at Buffy just as she punched him in his perfect face. 

"You got some stuff wrong," Buffy snarled as she punched him again.

"No," he said in a bewildered tone.

"Yeah," she said with a kick that drove him to the curtained window. "I'd love to be- 

Buffy backhanded him and the bleeding man clutched for support but only succeeded in pulling down the heavy curtains.

"Hope, but I'm-

Buffy kicked him as hard as she could. The man broke through the window and fell from view. Buffy looked down to see him hanging on the edge of the ledge outside the window. He reached out and power seemed to draw lines of light to him. He was growing stronger again.

"I'm Buffy," she said as she leapt out the window. The man screamed as the small woman landed on his armored back and they began to fall. He felt her plant her feet on his back-plate as they fell in toward the huge, now heaving pool of light on a building wave of light of every hue.

For a moment Buffy was in LA again, and a teenager. All the new things that she could do meant that she could ride the sandwich of fiberglass and wood down the waves without falling. Then the wave came, the big one that picked her up so high. Buffy crouched perfectly and for a moment she and the wave and the board were one. Buffy knew she would ride forever.

-------------------------------------------------------------

In the Magic Box the candle Dawn held sputtered. It frightened her but she didn't know why. Dawn stared at it and willed it to burn. She fought the tears in her eyes and thought of her sister brushing her hand through her hair.

"Come home, Buffy," whispered Dawn, then she stopped and took a breath. "I'll understand if you can't. Do what you have to, Buffy."

-------------------------------------------------------------

White light was everywhere. Buffy smiled as she stood there still thrilled by the ride. Under her arm she clutched a back-plate of armor. 

Then Michelle appeared.

"Now what?" Buffy said carefully. "What about Erin and Geoff? Are they all right? Did they get Zar out and the rest?"

"I'm sorry, Buffy," Michelle said gently shaking her head. "That path is closed now and they have to make their own choices. And now you also have to make a choice."

"Do I stay or go," Buffy said quietly.

"You've been here three times now," Michelle said with a sad smile. "You don't have to go back. You can put the Slayer down if you want."

"Three is enough," Buffy said softly, "but four is complete."

Buffy looked at the whiteness around her and then looked down at the floor. A pattern of lights seemed to glow softly. The pattern was four, then three close to it, three more and a white light. 

"There's morestuff than that now," Buffy said softly.

"Things change," Michelle agreed.

"Unless it's that outfit, or the clunky book when a PDA or DayRunner would be so much easier to carry," Buffy observed. "Have you ever thought about some blues or greens or reds or anything but ankle length basic black?"

"And you could learn to follow the rules and take, well, at least suggestions, just once in a while," answered Michelle with a small shake of her head.

"Right," Buffy said with a rueful grin. Then she looked at the armor in her grasp and tossed it away. It didn't make a noise.

"It'd make a lousy boogie board anyway," Buffy said dismissively.

Buffy looked into the whiteness and saw a brighter point. She smiled and blinked away a tear as her Slayer hearing caught Dawn's voice.

"It never was a question, was it?" observed Michelle. 

Buffy just shook her head. 

"You know how to get there," Michelle said as Buffy looked at the bright point of light.

Buffy reached for the light.

-------------------------------------------------------------

In the Magic Box Tara opened her eyes and then snapped her head up from Willow's lap and looked at the center of the circle. She stepped back into her smaller circle and reached for Dawn's hand. 

"Buffy," the witch said in a short gasp. "Concentrate."

For a second Dawn's candle grew very bright and then a rectangle of light appeared in the middle of the circle. Xander and Willow reached in quickly and pulled Buffy out. The light faded almost instantly and the candle went out. None of which was noticed as Buffy held on to her family with smiles mixed with tears and laughter in the ruins of the Magic Box.

Just like they held on to her.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Michelle watched the Slayer step out of the Here and into her own world. She caught a sound on the edge of hearing and turned reluctantly to face an old woman with a face lined by age. The old woman leaned on a cane made of night and stars.

"We need to talk, Michelle," the old woman said with a gentle sternness.

"Yes, Ma'am," Michelle answered meekly.


	4. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Giles' long conversation is very one sided. Dawn and Anya are chattering at his tired questions and Buffy's wide-ranging ones. I just clarify things and try not to breathe too deeply. We're at the Summers home now. Xander has looked upstairs for Willow and I. There's no sign of blood anywhere. Willow has stopped hiding her face for now, at least as long as she can touch me just a little.

She's 's almost asleep in the big chair and I'm trying to look comfortable next to her. Giles passes me a handful of cushions from the couch. He's not looking much better than Xander, and that worries me. There's little I can do now for them but love them both. They should have parades and medals, but all we can give them are our thanks and our hearts. It hardly seems enough as the day fades into night.

Buffy seems eager to patrol and, to my amazement, she's actually suggested Dawn should come with her. Dawn handles the invitation well, with just a hint of puppy enthusiasm. I smile at her and she grins back. 

"Be careful," I say softly.

Dawn just rolls her eyes as she darts off to change.

"I'll go with you," Anya says brightly. "I need to work out some of this new magic from the amulet. A few vampires to smash should help."

She pulls it out and then stares at it, her mouth slightly open. There's one side that's all baroque Vengeance Demon chic but the side next to her chest is a blank disc of golden metal with a chain running through it.

"_My_ amulet is my power focus," Anya says with a touch of fear. "It makes me a Vengeance Demon. Not that it's any great shakes but it's what I am, unless-unless I'm not."

She concentrates and looks at the amulet but nothing happens. 

"It's not magical, I think," I say after looking at in my mind.

"And when did you get so good at the mystic seeing thing?" Anya snaps. I frown not because she snapped but because I don't have an answer. In my silence she sags and looks scared.

"I want to change, now," Anya says dejectedly.

She does, and looks, shocked, at her amulet on the floor in front of her where she's sitting. When she sees it's not in her hands she changes back.

"Look into Anya," Giles tells me calmly. "Don't ask me how, Tara. Just do what you've been doing.

"It's very pretty," I say in a second with a smile because it _is_ pretty. New magic almost always is. Hers has a green tint. 

Anya looks kind of panicked and I can feel her fear and wonder warring for control.

"It looks pretty broad based," I say after looking again at the flows. "Nicely balanced. It's sort of got a green tint, but nothing is demony or not-demony looking. It's all, um, Anya looking."

"Really?" she says with more eagerness. "No peaks or troughs? Is it a nice green?"

"It's not pastel, more bright but not, you know, really super bright," I say trying to put a color to it.

"As long as it's not pastel, it's too wishy-washy," Anya says with a nod. 

"What about super bright?" Dawn asks with real interest as she pulls on her jacket. Either the magic is taking longer or she's eager to go patrolling. It takes her half an hour just to choose shoes on school days if we let her.

"Passionate and too quick to try everything," Anya replies and my ribs thank her. "Too bright burns out too fast."

"So you still want to take your perfect green mojo out on patrol with us?" Buffy asks as she reaches for her own jacket.

"Oh yes, I need to find my center with this new magic," Anya says excitedly.

"You could try study and training," Giles says with a tight smile.

"I will, Giles, I promise, it's just, just," she frowns a little, struggling to put her thought into words.

"Like you have to know you're here and everything is all right," Dawn adds.

"Not quite but close," Anya replies. "Very close."

"So where are the oogily-boogilies tonight?" Dawn asks the room.

"They're" I start before Buffy can start her answer. I don't know _why_ I know but I know the answer.

I can almost tell if I close my eyes and concentrate, but it hovers just out of reach. Buffy and the others look at me as I get up stiffly, walk out to the kitchen and out the back door. The cooling night feels good. I think this is what was almost calling me. I hold on to the porch and kneel down to touch the soft grass of the backyard.

I can feel most of Sunnydale. I can tell there are two dark un-lives forming in the earth of the new cemetery and two more that feel hungry hiding near the old electronics factory. A demon, strong but not too bright, that's seeking meat lurks near the UCS east parking lot. I tell them what I sense. Buffy reacts to my ability to sense the horrors near the Hellmouth in a unique way. 

"That is so _cool_," Buffy exclaims, "it's like evil guys radar."

"How far can you sense things, Tara?" Giles asks worriedly.

"Just past the college and kind of close to the airport," I say after trying as far as I can. "I can't reach the beach. It seems to center on the Hellmouth."

"The source of your power," He theorizes. 

"No," I say sadly. "That's not the source, just the place."

I look up at them and see their concern. Willow is holding back, looking at me. She's ready to cry again. Giles just meets my eyes, his face a mask. Buffy and the rest simply wait.

"Heroes are what give me my life and m-my power," I say, trying not to lose it. "I saw them when Michelle made me come h-home. Heroes dying before their time near the Hellmouth. It's their lives and acts o-of valor, of compassion and kindness as evil rolls over humans and demons and things I can't name. It's the energies from their deaths are keeping me alive."

"And it's freaking you out," Xander observes gently. 

"So make it worthwhile," Buffy says firmly. "Help us track the bad guys and zap em when you can."

"Zap em, huh?" I ask in a ragged voice as I feel a real smile on my face. I guess wisdom can use any words it needs.

"Yeah, you know I think I got this witchy lingo down pat," she says with a smile. "Let's make it a quick sweep and then stop for ice cream."

"Don't stay out too late, it's a school night," I have to point out.

"We're getting an early start," Buffy says brightly, "and we know where the bad things are. Ice cream is a reachable goal."

They cut across the yard with Buffy giving Dawn slaying advice and Anya firm instructions about fire spells. Just girls out for a night on the town, keeping Sunnydale safe for another night. I can sense them also as they walk into the night. They're bright sparks, each a little different on the underlying darkness. I want to go with them but the gravity seems to be way too high right now.

I don't realize I'm just kneeling there and not moving until Xander helps me up.

"Did I tell you you're too brave and kind for your own good?" I ask him as I lean on him up the steps and into the kitchen. 

Xander stops and cups my chin gently, turning my head so he can look at the red streak on my cheek. 

"Takes one to know one," he teases me. "Take a handful of anti-inflammatory stuff like ibuprofen. Your muscles will love you for it in the morning. Consider it expert advice."

"I promise," I say carefully because words are getting harder and it's not even prime time yet. I'm going to miss the Discovery channel tonight.

I help Willow up to bed and try not to let her feel my fright as I return to the room I died in. I open the door and think just about the warmth of the woman in my arms. She takes my hand and leads me in. The window doesn't have a hole in it. There's fresh putty around the pane. Xander to the rescue again. I can hear him and Giles talking down stairs before we shut the door. They make me feel safe. I need that tonight.

I help Willow and she helps me. By the time we get our clothes off and take the pills, I'm almost asleep. Willow doesn't have much energy left either. But I know she's still so wound up she could still fall into the pattern I saw as I followed her before in the nonexistence I was trapped in, even without the Hellmouth tie. I pull her close as I take joy unbounded in holding her again. I feel her hand tracing the red mark on my face.

"I hurt Giles, I hurt Xander, I-I hurt everybody, Tara," Willow says sorrowfully. "I'm a killer." 

"I know, and I know we're just going to have to face all of this," I say firmly.

"We're?" is all Willow can get out then she pulls me close and kisses me through her tears. I have a plan though. She tries to tell me it doesn't matter as my hands run over her slowly because she knows I'm hurting. She stops arguing in a minute or two. I want to give her as much as I can tonight. Tonight I shatter her wonderfully again and again until she's deeply asleep and nestled against me.

In the darkness I can see her, but for this I need only my touch. I find her center. Between the healing from the Key fragment and the empathic healing I can find the points I need to make her own elemental protection spell tied to water, like the water carefully untouched in the glass by my side of the bed. I put all the love we've shared into it and I feel the power drain away from me and settle into her. I sit carefully until the bright spots in front of my eyes go away.

"I love you, Willow," I say in the dark because some things hurt too much in the light of day. "I love you and I always will, no matter where you go after we part."

My death destroyed all the best things about the woman I love once. I saw it. I owe a life and I'm tied to the Hellmouth. I won't do that to her again.

I'm going to let Willow go soon, but not tonight. She needs to heal so I'll be here for her as long as she needs me, if I'm allowed to stay. The thought of leaving her makes my chest tight and that scares me so much. I whisper a desperate prayer to whatever power that holds my debt to give me the time to help her. If not, then give me one more night with Willow.

Just one.

Please.

**Next- _Hope's Limits_**

Ripples from the last few days close on the Scoobies. 


End file.
